SERVE

So here I sit at the end of 2009 wondering where the year has gone. I have been pondering the coming year for the past several days - trying to think of a theme. My wife asked me, "what is your word for 2010?" - what one word would I use to describe my intentions next year... there were several things that I want to work on and it was difficult to sum them up in one word. After much consideration, I landed on "SERVE". I chose this word for several reasons, all of which are areas that I plan to focus on in the coming year.

SERVE MY GOD
I have been growing in my faith and desire to intentionally take my relationship with God to the next level. I registered to take a class starting in January called Perspectives - this will help me to grow closer in my relationship with Jesus Christ and gain some level of clarity around my calling. I am trying be very intentional in focusing on my realtionship with Him and am actually excited about getting involved in this study. I also have a few other things I am looking forward to and working on. The business that we started last year [Global Platform Solutions] to fund Global Breakthrough will begin working with a couple of businesses in 2010 to establish a revenue stream and fund the missions of Global Breakthrough - very exciting oppotunities to expand the Kingdom. I will be attending 2 Wild at Heart bootcamp events and hopefully one Advanced event in 2010. I am headed to Crooked Creek in Colorado in March and down to the Washington Family Camp in Oregon in April - both of these camps will provide me with a great opportunity to witness to other men about the transformation that has occured in my life and hopefully help them open the door and allow God to restore thier hearts. I am so excited to be serving God and expanding the Kingdom - 2010 will be EPIC!

SERVE MY FAMILY
Of course, continuing to work and pay the bills and provide a good life is in there some where, but I thinking about more intentional things. I am thinking about things specifically around my marriage and around my son, Bobby. As my marriage is concerned, serving here will benefit my whole family. I was talking to friend of mine the other day about marriage and I was explaining to him that marriage is like being on a cruise ship all alone with your spouse. There are times when you need to be down in the belly of the ship patching holes and bailing water and truly working hard and there are other times when you can simply enjoy some time up on the sun deck watching a football game on a big screen jumbotron or something. The important thing about marriage is to always be alert and looking for the leaks and looking ahead to make sure you are on course - watching for those big icebergs. I have learned that it is vital to constantly evaluate the needs of my wife and make sure I am filling those needs - even asking her if I am meeting them. I will intentionally pursue my wife with a vengence and keep alert for for those times and experiences where the enemy may try to come in a screw things up. I will pray for my marriage daily and ask God to reveal to me all areas where I can improve. I love my wife more today than ever and if I have to be alone on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, I could not think of a stronger, more dedicated person to be with than her. A side benefit of serving my marriage is the positive impact this will have on all of kids - I intend to teach them that its ok (and required) to go down in the belly of the ship once in a while a argue loudly and disagree on certain things because in the end, our love and relationship is strong enough to withstand the worst storms that life can throw at us.

My son, Bobby turns 13 this year in about a week. I intend to make a list of things that we will do to recognize his move into young adulthood. Some of the things we have already planned are trips down to Oregon to visit his grandpa Jack, my dad, and learn how shoot compound bows and all kinds of guns. We will make the trip alone and I am also excited about the opportunity to bond with my dad as well. I have been neglecting that relationship for too long.

SERVING MY FRIENDS
I will intentionally look for opportunities to witness to friends about how God has changed my life. How He has renewed several areas of my life and continues reveal new things all the time. I am also very interested in starting a small group with Tammy of no more than 6 people that are intested in doing life together, getting together and studying God's word and sharing our lifes experiences with one another to strengthen our faith and intentionally build better relationships in our community.

SERVING THE HEARTS OF MEN
I am very interested in continuing to pursue the possiblity of starting a ministry in the northwest that goes after restoration of the hearts of men through the message of Wild at Heart. This has been on my heart for over a year now and I will be intentional about learning and refining the process of delivering this message and helping men recover that which was taken from them in the garden of eden. Stay tuned on this front.

MY HEALTH
The final most significant thing that I intend to work on is my health. I stopped smoking in early 2009 and since then have gained about 40 lbs. In order for me to serve the Kingdom effectively, I have got to improve my health. My weight has an impact on almost every aspect of my life - it prevents me taking on adventures that I would like to on, it makes me feel self conscious when I am around others, and it has a significant impact on my self esteem and self image. I have to fix this and I will use prayer and faith to provide my strength in attacking this opportunity in my life. The enemy knows what this does to me and he loves to camp out there....

I will pray tonight that all of you enjoy the new year and are showered with God's Grace in 2010.

What is your word for 2010?

Something Up His Sleeve

Rescuing the human heart is the hardest mission in the world.

The dilemma of the Story is this: we don’t know if we want to be rescued. We are so enamored with our small stories and our false gods, we are so bound up in our addictions and our self-centeredness and take-it-for-granted unbelief that we don’t even know how to cry out for help. And the Evil One has no intention of letting his captives walk away scot-free. He seduces us, deceives us, assaults us—whatever it takes to keep us in darkness.

Like a woman bound to an affair from which she cannot get free, like a man so corrupted he no longer knows his own name, the human race is captive in the worst way possible—we are captives of the heart.

Their hearts are always going astray. (Hebrews 3:10)

God is filled with the jealousy of a wounded lover. He has been betrayed time and again.

The challenge God faces is rescuing a people who have no idea how captive they are; no real idea how desperate they are. We know we long for Eden, but we hesitate to give ourselves back to God in abandoned trust. We are captivated by the lies of our Enemy.

But God has something up his sleeve.

Eldredge is brilliant, his ability to put thoughts in to words is amazing!
Epic 62 - 64

Is He trying to tell me something?

Sometimes it may be God trying to tell you something or send a message. Its not always what you might like to think it is.....

The Sniper

It has been a while.... I have to say there is a lot going on in my life these days. I am still getting settled in to my new job, the kids are involved in all kinds of sports, I had braces put on my teeth about a month ago, I had minor surgery on my right thumb a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine is battling a lawsuit to preserve his business that will become a key piece of the missionary ministry that I am part of and I am preparing to head to Colorado in a couple of weeks to attend a Wild at Heart Boot Camp with John Eldridge and his band of warriors. What does all this mean?

SPIRITUAL WARFARE is abundant in my life. The enemy is sniping me at every turn.

About a month ago I was considering leaving the church we attend because of some perceptions that I had developed. The enemy was right there feeding me with all kinds of judgemental thoughts. I was on the edge of leaving when I sat down with my friend, Jeff, and talked to him about it. Jeff is somewhat of a spiritual mentor for me [he is also an elder in the church]. I explained to him what I was thinking and he told me to follow my heart and allow God to lead me. He encouraged me to "remember why you are there [at church], you are not there for anybody but God" - this hit me like a ton of bricks and exposed the enemies strategy. I prayed after my meeting with Jeff and removed the enemies foothold....

I went to court a few Friday's ago to support and pray for my friend, Robert. He is the rightful owner of a company and technology that he is fighting to keep. He also has a heart for kingdom work and would like to use this company to fund a ministry that I am a part of. This SCARES the enemy for sure! So I went in to the court room and sat with the opposing side and prayed the entire time. I prayed for Robert's protection and success and I also prayed for all of the folks that are trying to steal Robert's company. That night the right side of my mouth became a bit sore and by Sunday night I was in extreme pain and unable to sleep most of the night due to the infection that had set in on the right side of my mouth. The sniper had got me again. I don't know if you have ever had a gum infection before, but it ranks in the top 5 of pain for sure. I went to the dentist on Monday and got some medicine and began to heal. Long story short, it did not heal right and I had exposed jaw bone in the back of my mouth for about a week - a final pot shot by the enemy.... how ridiculous, right?

I knew this whole gum infection thing was a direct attack and had to laugh about it, despite the amount of pain I was in. I began praying about it quite a bit and was really "ok" with the attack. I figured the pain I was experiencing was nothing compared to the cross. I must have read Eph 6 about 10 times during the whole thing.... the armor definitely helps as long as I remember to put it on.

Finally, there have been a number of other attacks on various relationships, some ethical issues at work, silly arguments with my wife that I can not even remember what they were about. The enemy is lurking in the shadows with his sniper rifle and taking shots at me all the time.

I expect the battle to get worse and the attacks to become more intense as my trip to Colorado draws closer. I will stand strong in the faith knowing that angels are near and that the armor of God will protect me. With the authority given to me by the one who lives in me, I will rebuke the enemy and move forward in the battle.

I will glorify Him daily and will always be thankful for His grace and sacrifice that make salvation possible.

Warrior Princess

A piece of Eldredge's book "Captivating" that I really love - my wife, Tammy, just attended "Captivating" in Colorado a short time ago. She is my warrior princess...

“Me, a princess?”
“You are the legal heir.”
“I never lead anyone.”
“We will help you to be a princess, to rule. If you refuse to accept the throne then the kingdom will cease to exist as we know it.”
--The Princess Diaries

In God’s name we must fight them!
--Joan of Arc

Women are often portrayed in stories and tales as the “Damsel in Distress.” We are the ones for whom men rise up and slay dragons. We are the “weaker sex”; said to faint at the sight of blood, needing to be spared the gory details of battle whether on the field or in the market place. We are the ones waiting in our flowing gowns for the knight to come and carry us away on the back of his white horse. And yes. There are days when a knight in shining armor would be most welcome. We do long to be fought for; loved enough to be courageously protected. But there is a mighty fierceness set in the heart of women by God. It is true to who we are and what we are created to do.

Women are warriors too.

Redeemed women of God have tender, merciful hearts, backbones of steel and hands that have been trained for battle. There is something incredibly fierce in the heart of a woman that is to be contended with, not dismissed, not disdained, but recognized, honored, welcomed and trained.

(Captivating , 186-188)

The Ambush

I am heading to another Boot Camp in October. This one is facilitated by Ransomed Heart Ministries in Colorado (John Eldredge's Camp - he wrote Wild at Heart). I have made my way to one of the forums for men attending this camp. A good place to ask questions and simply get to know some of the guys going. One of the guys, Brad, started a post today where he was talking about a book called "The Way of te Wild Heart" - another book that Eldredge wrote about the phases of the masculine journey. It is kind of a road map to the masculine soul. He was speaking about his troubles with comparing his father to the book and identiying that his father had fallen short in many respects - as I read through this, the enemy ambushed me. I posted a response on the forum and here is how it went...

Hey Guys,

I was struggling as to whether or not I was going to toss some feedback in to the mix on this one. I read through the initial post here and immediately felt two things – jealousy and then I was mad. To explain why I felt these two emotions, I am going to share some of my story. I am a firm believer in personal transparency and it helps me in my walk. I have read The Way of The Wild Heart as well, and used the book in two ways – to take some[more]of my wounds to the cross with my Father in heaven by my side and to learn about the things I needed to do in future so that I progressed down the masculine path and ensurethat my children are not taken out the way I was.

My father was absent for my entire childhood. I had a step-father that was completely absent except for the times where I was to be punished for something. I have no memory what so ever that I can look back on and call a “good father and son moment”. I grew up not knowing that I was adopted until I was 21 years old and in the Navy. I knew who my birth father was because he was my older brother’s father as well. There was an agreement made that I was never to be told that I was adopted – the reason for the agreement remains vague to this day and frankly is not important to me at all, we all know who was responsible for that. In any event, I did not grow up with a father in my life. The closest thing I had to a father figure was my wife’s father, but he passed away when I was 26 years old.

So when I read the post, I was overcome with a sense of jealousy as I cannot look back on my father and compare him to any phase in The Way Of the Wild Heart. I do not have any of those experiences to reflect on. Whether good or bad experiences, I still found myself a bit jealous for not even going through that thought process. I then began to get pissed. Here we are, men on a journey to restore our hearts and to understand our place in the larger story. God has given us the gifts of Wild at Heart and Fathered by God to help along that journey. The enemy lurks in the shadows and looks for any opportunity to launch an assault on our hearts. The enemy had me feeling like I was in a different spot than most of the other men on the forum and that I should probably not share my feedback, because it would not be meaningful. He also attempted to reopen one of my deepest wounds in the process. I then realized that the enemy was working in this story to take out and re-open wounds that Brad may have by telling him that his father “did not measure up”…. This is a classic attack.

I then began to pray immediately and turned to Ephesians 6…. I asked that God send his angels to watch over and protect Brad all the other men that are headed to Colorado in October. This is just the beginning of the attacks that start to occur before we head in to these camps – the enemy is NOT happy at all that we are going! I then began to pray about my past brokenness - I know that my dad loves me and that he had no intention of wounding me as a child. I know that the experiences created during times in my life that I cannot even remember (around age 2 or 3) were the work of the enemy to take me out. I also know that I have surrendered that to my Father in heaven and forgiven my birth father. I will not continue to let enemy work me over in these corners of my life – I am sober and alert. The enemy almost successfully ambushed me today. Be alert gentlemen – be alert. All the glory goes to our Father. Praise the Lord….

I am feeling pretty good tonight! Chalked up a win.

The Imposter

(Wild at Heart , 107–8)


From the place of our woundedness we construct a false self. We find a few gifts that work for us, and we try to live off them. Stuart found he was good at math and science. He shut down his heart and spent all his energies perfecting his “Spock” persona. There, in the academy, he was safe; he was also recognized and rewarded. “When I was eight,” confesses Brennan Manning, “the impostor, or false self, was born as a defense against pain. The impostor within whispered, ‘Brennan, don’t ever be your real self anymore because nobody likes you as you are. Invent a new self that everybody will admire and nobody will know.’” Notice the key phrase: “as a defense against pain,” as a way of saving himself. The impostor is our plan for salvation.

So God must take it all away. He thwarts our plan for salvation; he shatters the false self. Our plan for redemption is hard to let go of; it clings to our hearts like an octopus.

Why would God do something so terrible as to wound us in the place of our deepest wound? Jesus warned us that “whoever wants to save his life will lose it” (Luke 9:24). Christ is not using the word bios here; he’s not talking about our physical life. The passage is not about trying to save your skin by ducking martyrdom or something like that. The word Christ uses for “life” is the word psyche—the word for our soul, our inner self, our heart. He says that the things we do to save our psyche, our self, those plans to save and protect our inner life—those are the things that will actually destroy us. “There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death,” says Proverbs 16:25. The false self, our plan for redemption, seems so right to us. It shields us from pain and secures us a little love and admiration. But the false self is a lie; the whole plan is built on pretense. It’s a deadly trap. God loves us too much to leave us there. So he thwarts us, in many, many different ways.