07.21.2023 – The Ultimate Consequence Indeed, losing friends to the disease marked the first time in my life when death had touched people (outside of my family) so close to me. Before embarking on this journey, death seemed like a distant concept, something that happened to other people in distant places. But recovery brought me face to face with the reality of mortality, and it was a sobering awakening. I realized that addiction and its associated struggles don't discriminate based on age or background. It was a painful reminder that life is fragile and uncertain, and that even with the best intentions and support, some battles may end tragically. Witnessing these losses shattered any illusions I had about invincibility and reinforced the importance of cherishing each moment with loved ones. The first time I received the news of a friend's passing, I was overwhelmed with disbelief and shock. I had just talked to her a week before and things seemed just fine. It felt surreal, like a cruel twist of fate. As more losses followed, the weight of grief became more familiar, but it never got easier. Each departure left an indelible mark on my heart, and I had to confront emotions I had never encountered before. Grief, in all its complexity, intertwined with my recovery process. I found myself questioning my own journey and the purpose of it all. However, in those moments of darkness, the support of my recovery community became even more crucial. They reminded me that mourning was a natural part of life, and that experiencing loss didn't negate the progress I had made on my path to sobriety. This new experience of death taught me the value of empathy and compassion for others who may be going through similar struggles. It also emphasized the significance of reaching out to those who might be silently suffering. Grief can be isolating, but having a network of understanding individuals makes a world of difference in helping me cope. While these losses have been excruciatingly painful, they have also instilled within me a renewed sense of purpose in my recovery. I've become more determined to honor the memory of my departed friends by continuing to work on myself, by being there for others in their struggles, and by advocating for mental health and addiction support. Losing friends to death in recovery has left a profound impact on me, forever altering the way I perceive life and death. It's a journey that continues to teach me the importance of resilience, the significance of genuine connections, and the power of hope even amidst sorrow. Through it all, I've come to understand that our shared humanity, with all its joys and sorrows, binds us together on this unpredictable and profound journey called life.

07.18.2023 – The Storm We are supposed to get hit by “Tropical Storm Calvin” tonight and tomorrow. Tonight I will liken my recovery to a storm. We all have been through some kind of storm in our lives and sometimes in our minds. Just like a tropical storm that gains strength, my struggle began innocently enough, but it gradually escalated into a destructive force in my life. I remember the turbulence and chaos that my disease brought into my existence. It uprooted relationships, almost damaged my career, and left me feeling lost and overwhelmed. I hit a breaking point, right after Father’s Day weekend 2021, where I realized that I could no longer continue down this path of self-destruction. I could lose everything! It was time for a change. In the midst of the storm, I found my own "eye" of peace and clarity, waiting for Instacart to deliver the goods. It was in this moment of realization that I decided to seek help and embark on the journey of recovery. I went to Northpoint Edmunds, then IOP, and I surrounded myself with a support system of friends, family, and support groups, and slowly but surely, I began to rebuild my life. Recovery is a challenging and never-ending process. It demands patience, determination, and a willingness to face the obstacles that present themselves along the path. I have stumbled, but I learned from those experiences, developing coping mechanisms to prevent future relapse and keep me moving forward. Throughout this arduous journey, I discovered a well of resilience and strength within me that I didn't know existed. Overcoming an addiction to alcohol was one of the toughest mental battles I've ever fought, but it also made me realize the power I had within to heal and grow. As I started to heal and rebuild my life, I felt a profound sense of gratitude for the support and love I received from others. Just like communities coming together after a hurricane, my loved ones rallied around me, showing me that I wasn't alone on this path. Now, in the aftermath of the storm, I embrace life anew. I've learned to appreciate every moment and cherish the gift of sobriety. My journey of recovery has taught me the importance of self-compassion, and I use my experience to help others who are struggling with addiction. Just as communities strengthen their infrastructure and preparedness after hurricanes, I have taken steps to fortify myself against potential relapses. Our recovery community is a pillar in my inner fortress. I am continuously learning and growing, making sure I stay on the path of recovery. My journey through the storm of alcohol addiction has been transformative. It has reshaped me, given me a new sense of purpose, and allowed me to see the world through different eyes. I can’t say enough about the power of recovery and the resilience of the human spirit the program has given me.

The Force is Strong in the Pen

07.17.2023 – Combating Negativity Amid my doubts and fears, I've discovered a powerful tool to combat the negativity: writing about positive experiences in recovery daily. It's a small practice that has the potential to create a big shift in my perspective. Thinking, acting, and talking in a negative way impacts everybody around us. Each day, I carve out a time to reflect on the things I'm grateful for, the small victories I've experienced, and the moments of joy that have brightened my path. It's not always easy, especially when my mind is clouded with self-doubt, but I know the importance of nurturing a positive mindset and its impact on everything. As I put fingers to keyboard, I focus on the simple pleasures that often go unnoticed. Perhaps it's the warmth of a loved one's embrace, the comforting taste of a hot cup of coffee, or the gentle sound of the coastal winds through the trees. These moments, no matter how fleeting, deserve to be celebrated. I also try to make a conscious effort to acknowledge my personal achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Maybe I resisted harmful behavior, reached out for support when I needed it, or took a step outside my comfort zone. By recognizing these accomplishments, I reinforce my belief in my ability to grow and change – I need to work at this as it does not come naturally for me. Writing about positive things daily serves as a gentle reminder that recovery isn't just about fixing what's broken. It's about nurturing what's already good within me. It's about cultivating self-compassion and embracing the beauty that exists, even in the middle of a challenging season or struggle. Some days, finding positivity feels like grasping at straws, and that's okay. I allow myself to acknowledge the challenges and setbacks, but I also make a conscious effort to seek out the silver linings, no matter how faint they may appear. In this practice, I find comfort and strength. I am reminded that there is always hope, even on the darkest days. By focusing on the positive aspects of my life, I gradually shift my perspective, opening myself up to new possibilities and embracing the belief that I am capable of creating a brighter future. Writing about positive things daily is a gentle act of self-care, a way of nurturing my soul and reminding myself of the beauty that surrounds me. It's a practice that helps me reframe my thoughts and counteract the constant self-doubt that can plague my recovery. So, I continue to write, and share my thoughts with others, even when the doubts persist. Through this practice, I discover that amidst the mistakes and the uncertainties, there is always something positive to hold onto. Strength and Honor

Humility

07.15.2023 – Humility I wanted to take a moment to share the significance of humility in my own recovery journey and hopefully help one or two fellows in the tribe. I understand that this path may feel overwhelming and uncertain at times, but please know that embracing humility can be a powerful and transformative force in your life. For me, humility begins with acknowledging my limitations and recognizing that I cannot do this alone. It takes humility to admit that I have reached a point where I need help and support. This acknowledgment is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards seeking assistance from professionals, support groups, or loved ones. Embracing humility allows me to open myself up to learning, growth, and adopting new coping strategies that are crucial for my recovery. In my own experience, humility has taught me to let go of my ego and embrace vulnerability. It can be intimidating to expose my weaknesses and insecurities, but within that vulnerability lies true strength. By releasing the need to control everything—outcomes, others' opinions, or even my own fears—I create space for honesty, self-reflection, and introspection. This space allows me to honestly examine my flaws, take responsibility for my actions, and make amends where necessary. Embracing humility cultivates personal accountability and integrity, which are essential elements of my recovery. Additionally, humility fosters empathy and compassion within me. It reminds me that everyone in the recovery community is fighting their own battles against a common enemy. Recognizing our shared humanity and embracing humility creates a sense of unity and support. It allows me to both offer and receive help from others who understand and empathize with my struggles. Through humility, I can value the experiences and insights of others who have walked before me regardless of where they came from, how they look, or their social standing. We are all equal and bring different gifts to the table, which greatly contributes to my personal growth and understanding. As I progress on my journey of recovery, humility keeps me open-minded and willingness to learn. It encourages me to accept feedback, guidance, and suggestions for improvement. I have come to understand that I don't have all the answers, and that's okay. By adopting a humble mindset, I can tap into the wisdom and knowledge of others, gaining new perspectives on my own life. Embracing humility allows me to challenge my preconceived notions and let go of unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior. It creates space for new approaches and paves the way for my personal growth and transformation. Lastly, humility acts as a safeguard against complacency andoverconfidence. It reminds me that recovery is an ongoing process, and setbacks and mistakes are a part of that journey. Embracing humility helps me accept that I am not immune to challenges or relapses. This mindset keeps me vigilant, committed, and open to making necessary adjustments along the way. With humility as my guide, I can develop resilience, perseverance, and the determination needed to overcome any obstacles that arise. Nobody is alone on this journey. The recovery community is here to support and uplift us all. Embrace humility as a valuable companion, allowing it to guide you through the ups and downs of your recovery. Be open to seeking help, embracing vulnerability, cultivating empathy, remaining teachable, and guarding against complacency. Through humility, I have discovered profound personal growth, I build healthier relationships, and I develop the resilience needed to overcome any of life’s challenges when I keep humility in the forefront of my journey along with my higher power. Wishing you strength, courage, and unwavering determination as you continue walking this transformative path of recovery. Strength and Honor.

The Tribe

07.14.2023 – The Importance of Community As an individual in recovery, I understand the immense importance of community support in my journey towards healing and sobriety. Being part of a supportive community has been instrumental in my recovery, providing a lifeline of understanding, acceptance, and encouragement. Here's how community support has specifically benefited me: 1. Understanding and Acceptance: Within the recovery community, I have found a safe space where I can openly share my experiences without fear of judgment. Being surrounded by peers who have walked a similar path creates a sense of understanding and acceptance that I had longed for. Knowing that I am not alone in my struggles has been incredibly comforting and has made me feel validated in my journey. 2. Peer Support and Accountability: The support and accountability from fellow community members have been invaluable. Connecting with others who are also committed to sobriety has provided a strong support network. Through support groups and mutual encouragement, we hold each other accountable and provide a listening ear during challenging times. The shared experiences and empathy within the community have motivated me to stay committed to my recovery goals. 3. Shared Recovery Tools and Strategies: Being part of a recovery community has exposed me to a wealth of recovery tools and strategies. Peers who have successfully overcome substance abuse and alcohol addiction have shared their experiences, offering insights and practical advice. Their wisdom has guided me in developing coping mechanisms, creating healthier habits, and navigating the ups and downs of recovery. Listening to the ones that have gone before me is an absolute must. 4. Relapse Prevention: The community has played a vital role in my relapse prevention efforts. Within this supportive network, I have learned to identify triggers, manage cravings, and recognize warning signs of potential relapse. Through ongoing communication and support, community members have helped me develop effective strategies to overcome challenges and maintain my sobriety. I did have one setback with nonprescription medication that forced a new sobriety date, but that does not discount the support and love of my tribe. 5. Non-judgmental Environment: One of the most significant benefits of community support is the non-judgmental environment it provides. Free from stigma and discrimination, I have been able to share my story honestly and openly. This acceptance has allowed me to heal from the shame and guilt associated with my disease, fostering self-compassion and a sense of belonging. I have also learned because of one singular personal experience that there are some people in the rooms that will judge me, and form opinions of behavior and my honesty based on observation of a computer screen over Zoom. Being that I cannot control the actions of another, I turned this over to my higher power and used the experience as a positive by being mindful of how my body feels and my emotions going into a meeting (kind of like the Northpoint IOP check-in exercise) and intentionally being more engaged on Zoom and in in-person meetings. 6. Building Healthy Relationships: Alcohol addiction often strains relationships, leading to isolation. However, being part of a recovery community has given me the opportunity to build healthy relationships with like-minded individuals. These connections are based on shared experiences and the mutual goal of sobriety. The support and camaraderie within the community have helped me rebuild a positive social network and find companionship on my journey. 7. Access to Resources and Treatment: The recovery community and Northpoint have provided me with access to various resources and treatment options that have been instrumental in my recovery journey. Whether it's counseling services, therapy, support group meetings, or educational workshops, the community has connected me to the necessary tools for my healing and growth. The availability of these resources within the community has been a challenge at times, but the ones I have been able to engage with have been key to my personal recovery. 8. Empowerment and Inspiration: Witnessing the personal transformations and successes of others within the community has been incredibly empowering and inspiring. Celebrating milestones together and supporting each other's progress has fostered resilience, self-belief, and a sense of possibility. The community has shown me that recovery is not only attainable but also a journey of personal growth and empowerment. Being part of a supportive community has been a lifeline in my recovery from my addiction. It has provided understanding, peer support, shared recovery tools, relapse prevention strategies, a non-judgmental environment, opportunities for building healthy relationships, access to resources and treatment, as well as empowerment and inspiration. Through active participation in this community, I have found strength, resilience, and the necessary support to rebuild my life and embrace a fulfilling, sober future. I think about everybody in the recovery community daily and hope that they are all taking advantage of the recovery community and experiencing the joy and happiness that those relationships bring. With Strength and Honor.

Acceptance and Trauma

07.13.2023 – Acceptance and Trauma During my recovery journey, one painful truth I confronted was how the childhood trauma I experienced within my family had contributed to my struggles with alcohol. The trauma had left deep emotional wounds that I initially sought to numb and escape through drinking. The memories and emotions associated with the trauma were overwhelming and often unbearable. In those moments, alcohol became a temporary refuge—a way to dull the pain, quiet the memories, and momentarily find shelter from the pain. It provided a false sense of relief, numbing the raw emotions that I wasn't ready or equipped to face at the time. However, as I progressed through my recovery, I began to recognize the destructive cycle I had fallen into. Alcohol was not a solution or a source of healing; it was merely masking the pain and prolonging my journey towards true recovery. I realized that to truly get better, I needed to confront the trauma head-on, process the emotions, and find healthier ways to cope. Use the tools that were given to me inpatient at Northpoint and in IOP afterwards. It was a challenging and courageous decision to confront the trauma without relying on alcohol as a remedy. I sought professional help and therapy to explore the roots of my trauma, develop coping mechanisms, and find healthier ways to address the pain. It was a journey of self-discovery and self-compassion, as I learned to love myself and to navigate the complexities of my emotions without numbing them. Throughout this process, I also had to face the fact that some family members were not willing to acknowledge the positive impact that recovery has had on me. Their denial and resistance only added to the difficulty of my recovery. It required me to set boundaries and prioritize my own well-being, even if it meant distancing myself from those who couldn't offer the support I needed. I needed to remove negativity from life. So, I did. In my recovery, I discovered that true healing comes from within. It involves learning to forgive myself for the unhealthy coping mechanisms I had developed, the pain I caused others including my biological family. I have now found healthier ways to address the pain and trauma. I went into Northpoint, I surrounded myself with a supportive network of individuals who understood and validated my experiences, offering encouragement and empathy along the way. Those people are really my family today. In this moment, I am proud to say that I have made significant progress in my recovery. I have developed healthier coping mechanisms, honed my resilience, and learned to face my trauma with courage and compassion. While the impact of childhood trauma will always be a part of my story, I refuse to let it define me or dictate my future. Recovery has taught me that healing is possible, even in the face of deep-seated trauma and the destructive coping mechanisms that once held me captive. By acknowledging the pain, asking for help, and finding healthier ways to cope, I have reclaimed my power and am now traveling the ancient path that those who went before me carved out. A path of love, kindness, humility, self-discovery, growth, and lasting recovery. With love and compassion – you are all miracles.

Effort

07.12.2023 – Effort In my reflection tonight, I am struck by the amount of work and effort required to keep from drowning in the sea of addiction. I left Northpoint in July of 2021 and was welcomed by a group of friends that I will be connected to forever. We had a regular scheduled meeting earlier tonight. It may just be me, but these last few months have seemed to create significant hardship and challenges for many of my friends in the tribe. I began to think about my own recovery and what is required to keep me on the path. The trap for me is looking back and using what happened to define what will happen. There have been times in my recovery journey that I put in a ton of effort and other times when I did not put in enough effort. One thing is for sure, the results I see in myself and in others around me are directly linked to the amount of effort and work put in. For me, recovery demands a comprehensive approach that addresses the physical, psychological, and social aspects of my disease. It is a journey that necessitates hard work, perseverance, and a commitment to pursuing positive change. One crucial aspect of recovery is personal effort. It begins with recognizing the presence of addiction, acknowledging its harmful effects, and committing to take action to create a better lifestyle. This required me to actively engage in treatment programs, participate in therapy sessions, and seek support from groups or networks specifically designed to help me with my disease. By being honest, consistently investing effort and making the conscious choice to not drink, I took the first steps towards my own recovery. For me, recovery also involved addressing the underlying factors contributing to my drinking. This involved examining past traumas, managing my mental health condition, and developing healthier coping mechanisms. It required me to put in the effort to identify triggers, learn new ways to manage stress and emotions, and work a program that fosters positive change. By actively working on personal growth and self-improvement, I broke free from the disease that wants to take everything from me. I strive to create the best version of me. Recovery also entails rebuilding various aspects of our lives. For me, this included changing my environment, restoring relationships, rebuilding trust, and developing a sense of purpose and fulfillment outside of substance use. For some of my friends and family, it involved finding new hobbies, pursuing education or career opportunities, and embracing a happier, healthier lifestyle. By working diligently to repair the damage caused by my disease and proactively creating a supportive and nurturing environment, I believe that I have established a solid foundation for long-term recovery. I want to emphasize that recovery from substance abuse is a complex and individualized process. Just because it’s what worked to help get me better, doesn’t mean it’s the only way to go. Different individuals may require different treatment approaches and support systems. However, regardless of the path chosen, the importance of hard work remains constant. By embracing the significance of hard work in the recovery process, we all can increase our chances of achieving lasting sobriety, personal growth, and overall well-being. With unwavering love and caring.