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07.08.2023 – My Journey of Recovery and Support from others I hope this message finds everybody well. Today, I wanted to share a personal reflection that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. It concerns my journey of recovery and the feeling of being left behind by those who were once close to me. I thought at one point that I had found the best friend I had been longing for – the last words I said to him were “call me tomorrow” – I don’t expect that tomorrow will ever come. Recovery, as many know, is not an easy path to walk. It requires immense strength, resilience, and a support system that stands by your side through the ups and downs. However, I have come to realize that the support I had hoped for has been disappointingly scarce. My disease will say things like, “its your fault”, “you are no better a friend today than you were in the middle of your addiction”, “you should not have reset your sober date, now you will never be considered a winner and have been voted off that island for good”. I know this is my disease trying to make it all about me, that’s why its been weighing heavily on my mind for some time now. Throughout my recovery, like all of you, I have faced numerous challenges and moments of vulnerability. I have put in immense effort to serve others, to heal, to grow, and to rebuild my life from the shattered fragments of my past. There were times when I desperately needed someone to reach out, to check on me, and to remind me that I was not alone. But, sadly, those moments of reassurance were far and few between. I always had to make the call. I’ve had several who I thought were closest to me say, “if you ever need anything or feel like you’re going to drink, give me a call, I am here for you”. I need those kinds of people, but it’s not enough when the people I thought were closest to me say those same words and then disappear until I reach out, many times without a response – more times than not. Without continued connection, the relationship deteriorates. For me, a call for help moves further and further away with time. I am writing this because I do not want to have any resentments – I don’t want to drink over it, and, to my point, I don’t really have anybody I feel I can call to talk about it (I need to find a new sponsor fast). It's disheartening to see that some of the people I considered close seem to have faded into the background. The silence is deafening for me, and their absence speaks volumes directly into my diseased brain. I had expected a simple message, a phone call, or perhaps even a text for no reason but to say hi from time to time. Just something to let me know that my journey mattered to them, that I mattered to them. But instead, there has been an eerie silence that has left me feeling isolated and forgotten. However, it's essential for me to acknowledge that this realization has also served as a catalyst for growth. It has taught me the importance of self-reliance, self-care, and self-love. Through my journey of recovery, I have discovered an inner strength I never knew I possessed. I have learned to rely on myself and to find solace in my own company during some of life’s most challenging moments. Aside from my wife, I have become my own champion, my own cheerleader. While I can't control the actions or inactions of others, I can choose how I respond to this situation. I have resolved to focus on my own well-being, to surround myself with individuals who genuinely care, and to let go of those who are unable or unwilling to offer the support I need. In the end, my recovery is mine alone, and I will continue to persevere, even if the path is at times lonesome. I am guessing that some of you find yourselves in a similar situation, grappling with the feeling of being overlooked during your own recovery journey, please remember that you are not alone. Your strength is remarkable, and your resilience is inspiring. Trust in yourself and keep moving forward while intentionally filling your cup. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope my words serve as a reminder to all of us to reach out and check on the people we care about. Sometimes, a simple act of kindness and connection can make all the difference in someone's life. I am committing to reach out to a different person every day for the next week and then make it a routine to reach out regularly as part of my own recovery. Sending much love and encouragement.