Never forget

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

The Power of Prayer

I have been so busy these past couple of weeks. I started the ball rolling on a for profit business that will work in conjunction with a non-profit missionary organization of which I am an employee. The plan is to have the business (partnership with 2 friends) off the ground and running the first week of June – praise the LORD! This is a very exciting venture.

I am still in talks with GE Healthcare about a position based here in Seattle that would have responsibility for 3 sites in the US, 2 in Canada, 1 in the Middle East and 1 in India. I went through the final round of interviews last week and expect to hear back from them within a week or two. I had an interesting experience during the very last discussion – the person I met with was a VP and General Manager for one of the sites that I would support. It turns out; she is from Ethiopia and has a heart for Kingdom work. We talked about the non-profit organization that I work with and the mission for about 20 minutes. She mentioned to me that GE Healthcare was involved in a program called “Devices for Africa” and that they provide medical equipment and services to several regions in Africa. In addition, she talked about the fact that GE has a dedicated site for water filtration and purification. It was like God sat me in front of this really wonderful person to show me some of the potential benefits of working with GE. I have simply surrendered this to Him and pray every day that His will is met. I must say that I am feeling very positive about this potential opportunity.

I have been sort of stuck in traction for the last 2 weeks or so because some problems with my sciatic nerve. Seems it is being pinched and the pain is seriously bad from my pelvis, all the way down my right leg. The really bad pain began right around Weds of last week. When I woke up on Friday, I was in so much pain that I was considering calling GE and trying to reschedule my final interviews for another time. This would not have been good for me simply because there were a number of schedules that were shuffled around to make this happen. Because of the level of people that I was speaking to, even flights were reworked so that they were able to land in Seattle and meet with me before moving on to their next destination. Anyway, as I was barely standing and trying to shave before putting on my suit, I looked in the mirror and the light bulb came on. This was clearly the work of the enemy to try and keep me from going to these final meetings with GE. I immediately began to pray for healing and restoration so that I would be able to attend these meetings without worrying about the pain. I then sent a message to a number of prayer warriors that I have on speed dial in Outlook. I then put my suit on and told my wife that I was not going to allow the enemy to keep from going through with this and off I went. I prayed the entire drive in to downtown Seattle. When I entered The Georgian I sat and waited for the gentlemen I was to meet with there. The pain had literally gone down to about 3 out of 10 (I was at a 10 that morning). I sat down for the first meeting and honestly did not think about the sciatic pain for that entire discussion. When we were done, I walk 2 blocks to the GE Building and was feeling no pain at all. As I was going up the elevator, I was praising God and so thankful for the gift that He gave me. I went through the last meeting and was headed home after another 2 blocks to pick my car up from the valet parking at The Georgian. Although the pain returned that afternoon and I am still fighting with medication and daily visits to the chiropractor and with physical therapy scheduled to start next Tuesday, I was able to get through the final round of interviews pain free. This is sure demonstration of the power of prayer. God Is Good……

Stay tuned for more on GE – it normally takes GE 2 – 3 weeks to communicate after each round.

Restoration...

I was worshiping tonight and found a song that I had never heard before. I instantly connected and felt tears rolling down my cheeks as I listened to the words. The song was written by a guy named Andi Rozier and its called Restore My Soul. Andi is (or at least use to be) the Worship Pastor for Harvest Bible Chapel. As I listened to the song, I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and was reminded of how each and every one of us, no matter what our profession, need a little bit (sometimes a lot) of restoration on occasion. I listened to the song several times and found myself on my knees in surrender - it was AWESOME. My friend attended John Eldredge's Bootcamp in Colorado this past weekend. My friend sent me an email today that said "God knocked me off my horse, and built me up in a way that I have never experienced" (I am tearing up just writing his words down - FREEDOM). Based on my past posts and experiences with this kind of event, you may think this is kind of "normal" response after attending one of these events. What you don't know is that my friend is a Pastor and has been in ministry for 20+ years. He is a leader and probably one of the most humble people I have ever met in my life. His description of being knocked of his horse and rebuilt provided incredible imagery and blessed me with the reality that it is not necessarily the brokenhearted or suffering people in the world that need to be restored, but its everybody. So as I listened to the words of this song, I began to write them down and internalize the lyrics. I then began to change the lyrics in the second verse a little bit as I began to venture outside my own journey including other believers on this journey as well. It was a gift from God that I received this evening that I am so thankful for. God makes all things new....

Here are the lyrics (modified a little) - not a plug, but I got it on iTunes :)

Restore My Heart by Andi Rozier

Restore my soul
Revive my heart
Renew my life
In every part
Revile to me
What sin remains
Then lead me to
The cross again

And at the cross
I'll will find a way
To live the life
Your hand has made
So find me there Lord
And help me stay
In true surrender
With you my savior

Relight the fire
That burned so strong
Reminding us
What you have done
Our destiny
Is to lead change
So lead us to
The cross again

And at the cross
We'll find a way
To live the lives
Your hand has made
So find us there Lord
And help us stay
In true surrender
With you our savior

And at the cross
I’ll find a way
To live the life
Your hand has made
So find me there Lord
And help me stay
In true surrender
With you my savior

Find me

Learning to father my kids....

As I went through this last round of Wild at Heart, I was very interested in the "parenting" aspect of my journey and how I should be fathering my children. During the weekend there were many opportunities for us to take time alone to pray and listen to God speak. During these times, we were encouraged to bring a journal and write down what God was saying to us. Being at the 10 day mark since the last camp ended, I started go back and read through my journal for a review and to keep the fire in my heart hot. I came across a very extensive journal entry that both identified some of my personal brokenness and healing as well as references on my role as a parent. I wanted to share some sections of this journal entry with you and what God was speaking in to my heart during this delicate time.

Surrender all to me. You have always had a Father walking with you that loves you..….I place this name on the stones at your feet that you may always have a reminder of where we are connected. Our connection exists through every place that your foot touches…..When you walk in darkness, you still walk – when you walk toward the light, I am there. Bestow these thoughts on those that have come from you – your sons on earth – .…. May they connect with me in your footsteps and may you point out to them the places we have traveled as Father and son.

As I read through this, I could not help but become somewhat emotional for variety reasons. The brokenness I experienced as a result of the lack of fathering that I had growing up and the freedom that I have experienced as a result of walking through that brokenness with God and letting it go. The freedom that comes from finally realizing that for a long time I believed the lie. The lie that I did not have what it takes because of the brokenness that enemy inflicted on me to take me out at very young age. The enemy was exposed and the lie dispelled - FREEDOM.

As I continued to read through this entry, God provided me with a constant reminder of his presence and our connection - every step I take. This reminds me of Numbers (I think that was the book) in the Bible where the people put items on their shoes as a reminder of God. This just dawned on me as I am typing this, so I could have some wires crossed here. Along with this reminder I am to teach my children about the experiences I have had so that they do not get taken out by the enemy the same way that I was. I am also to teach them that no matter what, God is always there to support you and teach you.

As I thought about this, I felt a little sad. I really wish that I had grown up being taught these things by my own father. Then I realized that my Father in heaven has alot more to teach me. Everything that any of us need to be taught is in God's Word. All of his footsteps are there and all his experiences detailed. Our Father is the Word and is there any time we are in need. I feel truly blessed to be right here, right now. I also feel protected by my Father. I am a more confident parent and feel like I finally know how to father my children, how to bestow on them the values and principles that are so vital to their development as they move through the different seasons in their lives. My prayer tonight is that every man come to know this freedom and that every man dispel the lie and live the life that they were meant to live. That every man father their children the way God has fathered them. You do have what it takes - just ask your Father.

Looking at everything differently....

So I have a completely new prospective on everything because of the life changing experiences associated with BCNW (Boot Camp Northwest). Unless you have young kids, you may never see the movie "Surf's Up", and if you do have kids, you may not have watched the movie through the "Wild at Heart" lens, I would like to share a peak. Below is a clip (10 Minutes, well worth the time) - this is the story of boy (Cody) who lost his father when he was very young. Cody has always wanted to be a pro surfer and has experienced a lot of brokeness in his life. In this clip you will see Cody and a charater named Big Z. Cody's path has led him to Big Z and in this clip you will see Big Z father Cody and then share some of his own "brokeness" around the campfire. The end of the clip is the best, because Cody lets go and you will see him walk through and overcome the brokeness that has kept him from becoming who he was meant to be.... enjoy!. By the way, I have 4 kids and since coming home from the last boot camp, have used this as an example with my 12 year old when discussing my story and seeking to understand his. Here goes! I know it sounds a little corny, but try to watch the clip through a lens that gets to the heart of how we become (or don't become) who we were meant to be.

Bootcamp

I attended a christian retreat this past weekend facilitated by a group of volunteers in an organization known as Bootcamp Northwest.This is the same retreat that attended last year in Easton, WA. The retreat was held in Wild Horse Canyon down in Oregon and the weather and setting were equally breathtaking. On the last day of the event, Glen [one of the speakers] gave us all about 40 minutes to go off [called a covenant of silence during the event, there were many] and pray and answer some questions about how we intended to move forward in the battle and what our "plan" would actually look like. During this time, I was sitting there pondering these questions and writing down my answers when I was suddenly attacked. This voice in my head said, "you don't want to do this, man - this is going to be hard" and I thought, yeah this is going to be hard. The voice then said, "why are you even here? this is just a bunch of "touchy feely" junk" and I thought, yeah this is sort of a waste of time... the voice then said "if you don't church or hang around these christian dude's, nobody can hold you accountable for making sure you stay on track". It was at this point that I understood that I was in battle. I rebuked the enemy in the name of Jesus Christ and continued to work through the remaining questions in peace. The reason I am sharing this is that when I was driving back to Seattle with my friend, Kevin, I was telling him about this experience and he too came under attack at right around the same time. When we returned from the Covenant of Silence, our senses were heightened as we entered the meeting room and there was a sense that the enemy was present. I am curious to know if anybody else felt this or had a similar experience during this time? I posted a question on our networking site to find out. Make no mistake - the enemy lost some ground this past weekend, and he was not happy about it. Our weapons were sharpened this weekend and many men present at the event joined the ranks of God's army. These events are so awesome. I will be moving in tot he advanced session next spring and will likely continue to make an annual pilgrimage to these events as long as Bootcamp Northwest exists. I am planning to take my son, Josh, to the Bootcamp hosted by John Eldridge and Ransomed Heart Ministries in Colorado as soon as our number comes up. We were wait listed for last one after the lottery. This stuff is so powerful - I can not begin to tell you how the healing process offers so much freedom.

Entering the Kingdom

I travelled to San Diego this past week. My grandmother passed away on Easter Sunday. I was at complete peace with my grandmother's passing as she has had a rough go at it for the past several months. While celebrating the most significant event in my faith, I was able to celebrate my grandmother entering God's kingdom on the same day. I was not really prepared to speak at my grandmother's service, but managed to get up and try an remember some of the things that wrote in a past post called "preparing a place" - only instead of me preparing a place for my grandmother to come live with me, God had prepared a place for my grandmother within His kingdom.

I went to San Diego on Tuesday and came home on Thursday. The service was held on Weds. given the challenges I experienced with my family over the past year, my hope was to take some of the time outside the service to make mends with my brother's - unfortunately, that did not happen. The entire experience as far as my family goes was somewhat awkward from the get go. I had planned my trip without letting people know and some members of my family took exception to that and thought I intentionally hid this information to make it hard on them to plan. Being challenged on this was the very first thing I was spoken to about upon getting in to San Diego. Needless to say, this set the tone for my entire visit.

I have spent hours praying about this and seeking peace with my family. My heart was definitely broken over this ordeal. I continue to seek God's grace when it comes to these events in my life. I am thankful that my brother's and their wives are getting along great. After years of not getting along and not enjoying one another's company - they have bonded. This makes me very happy because for several years every time I would go to San Diego, I would make it a point to try and get everybody together for a BBQ or something and this always felt like such a chore, because of how everybody felt toward one another. I pray that these relationships continue to grow and that they continue to bond and hang out together.

I am really happy that I made the trip to San Diego and that I was able to say goodbye to my grandmother and find peace as well as freedom. The only thing that I wish could have been done differently would have been having my children be able to see my grandma when she was of clear heart and mind. When I went to San Diego several months ago to help my grandmother pack up some of her thing for the move the Northwest, she pulled a few items together for each of the great-grandchildren. She then met with each of them and gave them each a gift (silver certificates, jewelry my grandfather had given her, etc.). As she presented this stuff to her great-grandchildren, she explained the history behind each item. Because her plan was to move to the Northwest and live with us, my children were not included in this. Since everything spun out of control and my grandmother was convinced to stay in San Diego, my children and Tammy (my wife) and I do not have one single item that belonged to grandmother. Everything that my grandmother owned was either given to other members of the family in San Diego or dropped off a good will; nothing was put in storage. So the only thing that we have are the memories of grandma, which is fine for me and Tammy, but it sure would have been something special for my kids to have received something "special" from my grandmother.

I am at peace with everything that has happened. I have prayed for forgiveness for the anger that I once felt and for the things that I may have said out of anger. I know that I am forgiven for this through God's grace and I have learned from this experience and grown stronger in my faith. I will continue to pray daily for peace within my family.

Several months ago, about the exact time that things started to go out of whack with my family, I attended a men's retreat called Bootcamp, run by Bootcamp Northwest (www.bootcampnw.com). It is a retreat based on the book Wild at Heart. Bootcamp Northwest is having another retreat in Wild Horse Canyon down in Oregon beginning this Thursday and going until Sunday. I am going to be attending this retreat (again) and am truly looking forward to it. With everything that has happened over the past several months, a "booster shot" in faith is a welcome treat for me. I am sure you will be hearing more about this event in blog after I get back.

In my previous post, I talked about a number of opportunities that I have been considering. I have prayed quite a bit about these opportunities and it is definitely on my heart to aggressively go after the missionary work and begin working with my friend Jeff's non-profit organization full time. I have been somewhat resistant to this simply because of the risk, but I really feel like this is where God wants me. So, I guess its time to start getting my shot records up to date for travel in to some of the darkest places in the world. Amen.

Stay tuned - I will be gone for a few days working on my heart.......