The Higher Power - My God as I Understand Him

I only know one way to get better – it was going to treatment and working on a program. I was not a fan at all of the twelve-step methodology when I went through Northpoint, nor did I have any desire to engage as a “twelve stepper”. It took several failed and very difficult attempts at other ways to “white knuckle” it before somebody simply recommended a meeting and to work the steps. This is exactly what I needed to give myself some structure and release control (over time – this was (is) tough for me). Looking back, I would not change a thing. Through trial and error and use of my own self will, which is how I had tried to stop using in the past, I landed softly on the cushions of the twelve steps. This is what’s on my heart today as your friend and brother in recovery. Not to say that I am any better than anybody else, because I am not. I went into treatment on June 24, 2021 and my sober date is June 18, 2023. I stumbled, but I am learnt and am trying hard to live in complete surrender and wait for each opportunity to do the next right thing. I have been working on this for a little while and wanted to share my personal experiences and observations in an attempt to maybe provide one or two people with a different perspective. First of all, it takes tremendous courage and strength to confront our deepest struggles and work towards personal growth and healing, and you should know that you are not alone in this process. There is hope for a brighter future ahead, and the discovery of a higher power can be a transformative aspect of your journey. The Twelve Steps provide a framework for self-discovery, self-reflection, and ultimately, transformation. They offer a path towards healing, spiritual growth, and a renewed sense of purpose, with the acknowledgment that a higher power plays a vital role in our recovery. As you progress through the steps, you have the opportunity to explore and define what a higher power means to you, and how its presence can guide and support you along the way. The discovery of a higher power is a deeply personal and unique experience. It involves recognizing that there is a force greater than us, whether it be a traditional religious deity, the power of nature, the collective wisdom of a supportive community, or any other concept that resonates with your beliefs. It is an invitation to expand your perspective and embrace a source of guidance and strength that transcends our individual limitations. As you engage in the Twelve Steps, remain open to the possibilities of what a higher power can mean to you. Allow yourself to explore different spiritual practices, seek guidance from trusted sources, and engage in meaningful conversations with others who have gone through similar experiences. Through this process, you may discover a connection to something greater than yourself that brings you comfort, solace, and inspiration. Remember that your higher power is a loving and compassionate presence that can provide you with the support and guidance you need on your journey. It is a force that understands and accepts you unconditionally, offering forgiveness and redemption as you work through the steps. Embrace the notion that your higher power is on your side, rooting for your success, and always available to lend a helping hand. While progress in the Twelve Steps is not always linear, setbacks may occur along the way. There have been several for me personally. However, with the support of my higher power, I found the strength to persevere. Trust in the process, have faith in your higher power's plan for you, and allow it to guide you through difficult times. You are not alone on this journey; you have a powerful ally in your higher power. Surround yourself with a supportive community of individuals who share a belief in the presence of a higher power. Attend meetings, share your experiences, and listen to others with an open heart. It is through this shared connection that we find strength, inspiration, and a sense of unity as we navigate the Twelve Steps together. Celebrate the milestones and victories on your journey, recognizing the transformative power of your connection to a higher power. Each step completed in partnership with your higher power brings you closer to a life of freedom, authenticity, and a deepening sense of purpose. Embrace the growth and positive changes you experience along the way, knowing that your higher power is working through you. Lastly, always remember that you are deserving of love, understanding, and support from your higher power and the people around you. Reach out to your sponsor, trusted friends, or professionals whenever you need guidance or a listening ear. Never hesitate to ask for help, as it is a sign of strength and determination in your commitment to your higher power's plan for your life. Believe in yourself and the transformative power of the Twelve Steps, knowing that the discovery of a higher power is an integral part of your journey. With dedication, perseverance, and a deepening connection to your higher power, you can create a future filled with hope, happiness, and fulfillment. Trust in the process and embrace the profound impact of your higher power on your path of self-discovery and healing. For me, it was not enough to just acknowledge the existence of a higher power – I had to experience my higher power working in my life. Once I did that, my program picked up a whole new gear. I love you and am always here as a brother in recovery.

Live in The Moment

07.01.2023 – Live in the Moment In the grand tapestry of life, the present moment is a precious thread, woven with infinite potential. It is here, in the delicate embrace of the present, where true magic resides.In a world that pulls us in countless directions, it is all too easy to become entrapped by the past or entangled in worries about the future. Yet, amidst the chaos, lies a profound wisdom: the power of living in the moment.By releasing the weight of the past and releasing the grip on the future, we set ourselves free. We become liberated from regret, fear, and the illusion of control. We step into the boundless realm of possibility, where dreams are born and destinies unfold. In this very moment, you possess the power to shape your reality, to create a life that aligns with your deepest desires. Let go of distractions and worries that cloud your vision. Embrace the present, for it holds the key to your true potential. So, dear wanderer, seize the day with an open heart and an open mind. Embrace the beauty that surrounds you, and let it nourish your spirit. Allow the present moment to be your guide, and may its radiant energy infuse every step you take on this extraordinary journey called life.

How I got Well

06.28.2023 – “How I Got Well” In shadows deep, in darkness’s grip, I found myself, my spirit dismissed. The entangled grip of darkness wont cease, I sought a way out, I longed for peace. There appeared a flicker, that pierced the night, A glimmer of hope, a guiding light. Through battles fought, I discovered my way, With help from Northpoint, embracing each new day. With unwavering strength, I took a stand, Embracing a path both firm and grand. I shed the chains that held me tight, Entering the realm of endless light. Clean and sober, I soar on high, My spirit lifted, reaching for the sky. No longer bound by shadows of war, Redemption unfolds, a story to explore. Through whispers tempting, I stand tall, No longer swayed by their enticing call. Deep in my heart, a fire burns, A higher power's grace, a lesson learned. On a path less traveled, with clear brown eyes, My faith is strong, my gaze set high. The tempter's whispers, I boldly decline, Guided by a force divine. Oh, sweet liberation, newfound bliss, A victory won; a burden dismissed. The strength within, an untamed force, Sobriety's triumph, my unwavering source. I dance upon life's vibrant stage, An artist freed from a self-made cage. Each day a canvas, painted with grace, By the hand of a higher power's embrace. And as my journey gracefully unfolds, I share my story, my light beholds. Like a beacon in the darkest night, Guiding others towards their own light. So let this tale of triumph be known, An original anthem, from me alone. For in the battle to be clean and free, I find the power to be authentically me. I embrace the grace found deep within, Conquering my demons, admitting my sin. From shadows cast, my spirit ascends, Guided by a love that never ends. Clean and sober, I proudly proclaim, A life reborn, bearing a sacred name. In this serenity, my soul thrives, My higher power continues to drive. For I am the vessel of divine grace, Guided and held in a loving embrace. In unity, with the power supreme, I live a life that's truly redeemed.

We have ignition......

So its been a while since I have posted. I have so much going on in my life that its hard to find time for blogging. Since I like to think of this as a sort of "journal", I am making an attempt at starting to write again. There are so many things going on that I don't know where to start. So,perhaps I will start with what motivated me to blog tonight. My son Bobby posted something on my wall tonight that blew my mind.

He posted this : "Thank you so much for all the many things u have done for me and the memories will keep growing with all the things we do I love you and already can't wait tell u get back"

This is the first time Bobby has ever posted anything on my facebook to my knowledge. It really touched me. I sat back [probably with watery eyes] and thought to myself "thank you, Jesus, for restoring my soul".... If you have read my older posts, you know that I have quite a history that involves fatherlessness and a journey toward Jesus Christ that involves a lot of healing and restoration. Part of this journey involves an intentional focus on being the husband and father that my family deserves. This post marked a significant milestone in my walk. I try to do something specific with each of my kids. Bobby and I spend a lot of time going to gaming conventions and other things that interest him. He got in to football several years ago and within 2 years of this happening, I was the System Head for the Lake Washington Youth Football program. I went from not having any interest in football at all, to loving the game and engaging in any way possible to gain access to Bobby. This is one of many things I try to do to be involved in his life. You can listen to a lot of what we do at www.randomdazenw.com - this is our online podcast [another project that we put together as a team]. We have a lot of fun together and are definitely creating memories and a bond that will last forever.

I love that my son did this. It truly means a lot to me that I am having a positive impact on him and his life. Lord knows I have made so many mistakes in my life - none of us are perfect. Its days like today and posts like the one that Bobby did today that light up my heart for Jesus. Its evidence of God's work in my life.

Love and War

My wife and I are coming up on 20 years of marriage. It's crazy to think that we have been married for more than half my life! I am not sure what the magic formula is or anything like that - what I do know is that it a lot of hard work and dedication.

I can honestly say that I love Tammy more today than ever. We have been through several rough valley's over the years. We were almost divorced twice, once right after Josh was born and I returned from sea (I was in the Navy at the time) and another time about 7 years in. Crazy to think where we would be today if we had followed through. I will tell you that in both instances, it was marriage counseling that got us through.

As you probably know if you have read other parts of my blog, I am a huge John Eldredge fan. Both Tammy and I have been to the Ransomed Heart Camps in Colorado. The message at these camps (Wild at Heart for men and Captivating for woman) has created a strong connection for us within our marriage. As a result of being in this message, our marriage is stronger and we understand the fact that we are at WAR and must fight for one another and our marriage.

So, we were delighted when we heard that John and his wife Stasi were releasing a book on marriage that carried the "Wild at Heart / Captivating" message. Tammy and I both read book as soon as it came out. We LOVED it. The book did a good job of uncovering the buried gemstones that make a marriage work. John and Stasi do a great job of bringing to life those "ah ha" moments that expose the reality of the situations be commonly find ourselves in. Those time when a simple argument over something really stupid can lead to thoughts of divorce and anger.

Love and War not only defines the critical issues that surround marriage, but it also provides the solutions to overcome every barrier that may exist. Even after 20 years of marriage, Tammy and I learned a lot from this book. Its amazing.

Tammy and I are so happy with the message of Love and War that we are considering starting a small group to go through the study. I have already purchased all the materials - we just need to find the time to get it started :)

I have really only touched the surface on what Love and War has to offer. If you have not read it yet, I highly recommend picking up a copy and getting started today.

Punked

I had a really interesting experience today that I wanted to share... I was getting ready to leave for work this morning it was raining really hard. I had my jacket over my arm, was carrying my brief case, had my keys in my hand, a Seahawks poster that I got at the game yesterday [to hang in my office] and my sunglasses were in one of my hands as well. I was standing on the porch looking at the rain and looking at my car. I was thinking of the quickest route to the car to minimize the wetness of me and more importantly, my poster! I unlocked my car and proceeded to move rapidly through the rain to the rear door on the driver side. As I quickly approached the door, I heard the doors lock. I hesitated for a second so that I could roll my eyes and reached for the door. Yes, indeed my doors were now locked. I began to fumble my keys around to find the "unlock" button. In the process of finding the button, I dropped my sun glasses and they bounced off my shoe and went under my car. Meanwhile, I am getting soaked and so is my poster. I get the door open, throw everything in the back seat, climb under the car and grab my sunglasses and then jumped in the car. By this point I am furious! I am convinced that the enemy is attacking me for some reason.... I turn the engine, turn off my radio and proceed to drive to work in complete silence while trying to calm down.
I got to work and went through my day as normal, not giving the mornings antics a second thought. I then grab my things and head to the car for the drive home. The parking garage was really full this morning, so I had to go down 4 levels to find a place to park. When I got to my car, I put my things in the back and entered the car for the drive home. I sat there for a moment and decided it would be a good time to pray real quick before heading out.
Immediately, I hear this laughter and ask Jesus, “What’s that all about?”… He says, “let’s talk about what happened this morning”… Now, I had not thought about what happened this morning at all until that moment. Jesus continues in a kind of “laughing” voice and says, “Dude, you always think it’s the enemy”… and He was particularly amused with Himself for dumping huge rain on me and knocking my glasses out my hand. I was honestly shocked for second by the discussion – I simply began to laugh really really hard. It was a valuable lesson for me to learn today. It’s not always the enemy and it’s not always an attack. Sometimes things just happen and other times it might just be Jesus punking you for being stupid and blaming the enemy for every bad thing that ever happens to you. I got totally punked. When I went through the above sequence of events after understanding all of this, it’s hilarious. This is the kind of stuff you see on America’s Funniest Home Videos or something.
In the end I thanked Jesus for the lesson and smiled for the entire ride home. Every time I look at the water damaged Seahawks poster in my office at work, it will remind of today’s talk. It’s great to have a Savior and teacher with a good sense of humor. How can you not love this guy!?

SERVE

So here I sit at the end of 2009 wondering where the year has gone. I have been pondering the coming year for the past several days - trying to think of a theme. My wife asked me, "what is your word for 2010?" - what one word would I use to describe my intentions next year... there were several things that I want to work on and it was difficult to sum them up in one word. After much consideration, I landed on "SERVE". I chose this word for several reasons, all of which are areas that I plan to focus on in the coming year.

SERVE MY GOD
I have been growing in my faith and desire to intentionally take my relationship with God to the next level. I registered to take a class starting in January called Perspectives - this will help me to grow closer in my relationship with Jesus Christ and gain some level of clarity around my calling. I am trying be very intentional in focusing on my realtionship with Him and am actually excited about getting involved in this study. I also have a few other things I am looking forward to and working on. The business that we started last year [Global Platform Solutions] to fund Global Breakthrough will begin working with a couple of businesses in 2010 to establish a revenue stream and fund the missions of Global Breakthrough - very exciting oppotunities to expand the Kingdom. I will be attending 2 Wild at Heart bootcamp events and hopefully one Advanced event in 2010. I am headed to Crooked Creek in Colorado in March and down to the Washington Family Camp in Oregon in April - both of these camps will provide me with a great opportunity to witness to other men about the transformation that has occured in my life and hopefully help them open the door and allow God to restore thier hearts. I am so excited to be serving God and expanding the Kingdom - 2010 will be EPIC!

SERVE MY FAMILY
Of course, continuing to work and pay the bills and provide a good life is in there some where, but I thinking about more intentional things. I am thinking about things specifically around my marriage and around my son, Bobby. As my marriage is concerned, serving here will benefit my whole family. I was talking to friend of mine the other day about marriage and I was explaining to him that marriage is like being on a cruise ship all alone with your spouse. There are times when you need to be down in the belly of the ship patching holes and bailing water and truly working hard and there are other times when you can simply enjoy some time up on the sun deck watching a football game on a big screen jumbotron or something. The important thing about marriage is to always be alert and looking for the leaks and looking ahead to make sure you are on course - watching for those big icebergs. I have learned that it is vital to constantly evaluate the needs of my wife and make sure I am filling those needs - even asking her if I am meeting them. I will intentionally pursue my wife with a vengence and keep alert for for those times and experiences where the enemy may try to come in a screw things up. I will pray for my marriage daily and ask God to reveal to me all areas where I can improve. I love my wife more today than ever and if I have to be alone on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, I could not think of a stronger, more dedicated person to be with than her. A side benefit of serving my marriage is the positive impact this will have on all of kids - I intend to teach them that its ok (and required) to go down in the belly of the ship once in a while a argue loudly and disagree on certain things because in the end, our love and relationship is strong enough to withstand the worst storms that life can throw at us.

My son, Bobby turns 13 this year in about a week. I intend to make a list of things that we will do to recognize his move into young adulthood. Some of the things we have already planned are trips down to Oregon to visit his grandpa Jack, my dad, and learn how shoot compound bows and all kinds of guns. We will make the trip alone and I am also excited about the opportunity to bond with my dad as well. I have been neglecting that relationship for too long.

SERVING MY FRIENDS
I will intentionally look for opportunities to witness to friends about how God has changed my life. How He has renewed several areas of my life and continues reveal new things all the time. I am also very interested in starting a small group with Tammy of no more than 6 people that are intested in doing life together, getting together and studying God's word and sharing our lifes experiences with one another to strengthen our faith and intentionally build better relationships in our community.

SERVING THE HEARTS OF MEN
I am very interested in continuing to pursue the possiblity of starting a ministry in the northwest that goes after restoration of the hearts of men through the message of Wild at Heart. This has been on my heart for over a year now and I will be intentional about learning and refining the process of delivering this message and helping men recover that which was taken from them in the garden of eden. Stay tuned on this front.

MY HEALTH
The final most significant thing that I intend to work on is my health. I stopped smoking in early 2009 and since then have gained about 40 lbs. In order for me to serve the Kingdom effectively, I have got to improve my health. My weight has an impact on almost every aspect of my life - it prevents me taking on adventures that I would like to on, it makes me feel self conscious when I am around others, and it has a significant impact on my self esteem and self image. I have to fix this and I will use prayer and faith to provide my strength in attacking this opportunity in my life. The enemy knows what this does to me and he loves to camp out there....

I will pray tonight that all of you enjoy the new year and are showered with God's Grace in 2010.

What is your word for 2010?