07.21.2023 – The Ultimate Consequence Indeed, losing friends to the disease marked the first time in my life when death had touched people (outside of my family) so close to me. Before embarking on this journey, death seemed like a distant concept, something that happened to other people in distant places. But recovery brought me face to face with the reality of mortality, and it was a sobering awakening. I realized that addiction and its associated struggles don't discriminate based on age or background. It was a painful reminder that life is fragile and uncertain, and that even with the best intentions and support, some battles may end tragically. Witnessing these losses shattered any illusions I had about invincibility and reinforced the importance of cherishing each moment with loved ones. The first time I received the news of a friend's passing, I was overwhelmed with disbelief and shock. I had just talked to her a week before and things seemed just fine. It felt surreal, like a cruel twist of fate. As more losses followed, the weight of grief became more familiar, but it never got easier. Each departure left an indelible mark on my heart, and I had to confront emotions I had never encountered before. Grief, in all its complexity, intertwined with my recovery process. I found myself questioning my own journey and the purpose of it all. However, in those moments of darkness, the support of my recovery community became even more crucial. They reminded me that mourning was a natural part of life, and that experiencing loss didn't negate the progress I had made on my path to sobriety. This new experience of death taught me the value of empathy and compassion for others who may be going through similar struggles. It also emphasized the significance of reaching out to those who might be silently suffering. Grief can be isolating, but having a network of understanding individuals makes a world of difference in helping me cope. While these losses have been excruciatingly painful, they have also instilled within me a renewed sense of purpose in my recovery. I've become more determined to honor the memory of my departed friends by continuing to work on myself, by being there for others in their struggles, and by advocating for mental health and addiction support. Losing friends to death in recovery has left a profound impact on me, forever altering the way I perceive life and death. It's a journey that continues to teach me the importance of resilience, the significance of genuine connections, and the power of hope even amidst sorrow. Through it all, I've come to understand that our shared humanity, with all its joys and sorrows, binds us together on this unpredictable and profound journey called life.

07.18.2023 – The Storm We are supposed to get hit by “Tropical Storm Calvin” tonight and tomorrow. Tonight I will liken my recovery to a storm. We all have been through some kind of storm in our lives and sometimes in our minds. Just like a tropical storm that gains strength, my struggle began innocently enough, but it gradually escalated into a destructive force in my life. I remember the turbulence and chaos that my disease brought into my existence. It uprooted relationships, almost damaged my career, and left me feeling lost and overwhelmed. I hit a breaking point, right after Father’s Day weekend 2021, where I realized that I could no longer continue down this path of self-destruction. I could lose everything! It was time for a change. In the midst of the storm, I found my own "eye" of peace and clarity, waiting for Instacart to deliver the goods. It was in this moment of realization that I decided to seek help and embark on the journey of recovery. I went to Northpoint Edmunds, then IOP, and I surrounded myself with a support system of friends, family, and support groups, and slowly but surely, I began to rebuild my life. Recovery is a challenging and never-ending process. It demands patience, determination, and a willingness to face the obstacles that present themselves along the path. I have stumbled, but I learned from those experiences, developing coping mechanisms to prevent future relapse and keep me moving forward. Throughout this arduous journey, I discovered a well of resilience and strength within me that I didn't know existed. Overcoming an addiction to alcohol was one of the toughest mental battles I've ever fought, but it also made me realize the power I had within to heal and grow. As I started to heal and rebuild my life, I felt a profound sense of gratitude for the support and love I received from others. Just like communities coming together after a hurricane, my loved ones rallied around me, showing me that I wasn't alone on this path. Now, in the aftermath of the storm, I embrace life anew. I've learned to appreciate every moment and cherish the gift of sobriety. My journey of recovery has taught me the importance of self-compassion, and I use my experience to help others who are struggling with addiction. Just as communities strengthen their infrastructure and preparedness after hurricanes, I have taken steps to fortify myself against potential relapses. Our recovery community is a pillar in my inner fortress. I am continuously learning and growing, making sure I stay on the path of recovery. My journey through the storm of alcohol addiction has been transformative. It has reshaped me, given me a new sense of purpose, and allowed me to see the world through different eyes. I can’t say enough about the power of recovery and the resilience of the human spirit the program has given me.

The Force is Strong in the Pen

07.17.2023 – Combating Negativity Amid my doubts and fears, I've discovered a powerful tool to combat the negativity: writing about positive experiences in recovery daily. It's a small practice that has the potential to create a big shift in my perspective. Thinking, acting, and talking in a negative way impacts everybody around us. Each day, I carve out a time to reflect on the things I'm grateful for, the small victories I've experienced, and the moments of joy that have brightened my path. It's not always easy, especially when my mind is clouded with self-doubt, but I know the importance of nurturing a positive mindset and its impact on everything. As I put fingers to keyboard, I focus on the simple pleasures that often go unnoticed. Perhaps it's the warmth of a loved one's embrace, the comforting taste of a hot cup of coffee, or the gentle sound of the coastal winds through the trees. These moments, no matter how fleeting, deserve to be celebrated. I also try to make a conscious effort to acknowledge my personal achievements, no matter how small they may seem. Maybe I resisted harmful behavior, reached out for support when I needed it, or took a step outside my comfort zone. By recognizing these accomplishments, I reinforce my belief in my ability to grow and change – I need to work at this as it does not come naturally for me. Writing about positive things daily serves as a gentle reminder that recovery isn't just about fixing what's broken. It's about nurturing what's already good within me. It's about cultivating self-compassion and embracing the beauty that exists, even in the middle of a challenging season or struggle. Some days, finding positivity feels like grasping at straws, and that's okay. I allow myself to acknowledge the challenges and setbacks, but I also make a conscious effort to seek out the silver linings, no matter how faint they may appear. In this practice, I find comfort and strength. I am reminded that there is always hope, even on the darkest days. By focusing on the positive aspects of my life, I gradually shift my perspective, opening myself up to new possibilities and embracing the belief that I am capable of creating a brighter future. Writing about positive things daily is a gentle act of self-care, a way of nurturing my soul and reminding myself of the beauty that surrounds me. It's a practice that helps me reframe my thoughts and counteract the constant self-doubt that can plague my recovery. So, I continue to write, and share my thoughts with others, even when the doubts persist. Through this practice, I discover that amidst the mistakes and the uncertainties, there is always something positive to hold onto. Strength and Honor

Humility

07.15.2023 – Humility I wanted to take a moment to share the significance of humility in my own recovery journey and hopefully help one or two fellows in the tribe. I understand that this path may feel overwhelming and uncertain at times, but please know that embracing humility can be a powerful and transformative force in your life. For me, humility begins with acknowledging my limitations and recognizing that I cannot do this alone. It takes humility to admit that I have reached a point where I need help and support. This acknowledgment is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards seeking assistance from professionals, support groups, or loved ones. Embracing humility allows me to open myself up to learning, growth, and adopting new coping strategies that are crucial for my recovery. In my own experience, humility has taught me to let go of my ego and embrace vulnerability. It can be intimidating to expose my weaknesses and insecurities, but within that vulnerability lies true strength. By releasing the need to control everything—outcomes, others' opinions, or even my own fears—I create space for honesty, self-reflection, and introspection. This space allows me to honestly examine my flaws, take responsibility for my actions, and make amends where necessary. Embracing humility cultivates personal accountability and integrity, which are essential elements of my recovery. Additionally, humility fosters empathy and compassion within me. It reminds me that everyone in the recovery community is fighting their own battles against a common enemy. Recognizing our shared humanity and embracing humility creates a sense of unity and support. It allows me to both offer and receive help from others who understand and empathize with my struggles. Through humility, I can value the experiences and insights of others who have walked before me regardless of where they came from, how they look, or their social standing. We are all equal and bring different gifts to the table, which greatly contributes to my personal growth and understanding. As I progress on my journey of recovery, humility keeps me open-minded and willingness to learn. It encourages me to accept feedback, guidance, and suggestions for improvement. I have come to understand that I don't have all the answers, and that's okay. By adopting a humble mindset, I can tap into the wisdom and knowledge of others, gaining new perspectives on my own life. Embracing humility allows me to challenge my preconceived notions and let go of unhealthy patterns of thinking and behavior. It creates space for new approaches and paves the way for my personal growth and transformation. Lastly, humility acts as a safeguard against complacency andoverconfidence. It reminds me that recovery is an ongoing process, and setbacks and mistakes are a part of that journey. Embracing humility helps me accept that I am not immune to challenges or relapses. This mindset keeps me vigilant, committed, and open to making necessary adjustments along the way. With humility as my guide, I can develop resilience, perseverance, and the determination needed to overcome any obstacles that arise. Nobody is alone on this journey. The recovery community is here to support and uplift us all. Embrace humility as a valuable companion, allowing it to guide you through the ups and downs of your recovery. Be open to seeking help, embracing vulnerability, cultivating empathy, remaining teachable, and guarding against complacency. Through humility, I have discovered profound personal growth, I build healthier relationships, and I develop the resilience needed to overcome any of life’s challenges when I keep humility in the forefront of my journey along with my higher power. Wishing you strength, courage, and unwavering determination as you continue walking this transformative path of recovery. Strength and Honor.

The Tribe

07.14.2023 – The Importance of Community As an individual in recovery, I understand the immense importance of community support in my journey towards healing and sobriety. Being part of a supportive community has been instrumental in my recovery, providing a lifeline of understanding, acceptance, and encouragement. Here's how community support has specifically benefited me: 1. Understanding and Acceptance: Within the recovery community, I have found a safe space where I can openly share my experiences without fear of judgment. Being surrounded by peers who have walked a similar path creates a sense of understanding and acceptance that I had longed for. Knowing that I am not alone in my struggles has been incredibly comforting and has made me feel validated in my journey. 2. Peer Support and Accountability: The support and accountability from fellow community members have been invaluable. Connecting with others who are also committed to sobriety has provided a strong support network. Through support groups and mutual encouragement, we hold each other accountable and provide a listening ear during challenging times. The shared experiences and empathy within the community have motivated me to stay committed to my recovery goals. 3. Shared Recovery Tools and Strategies: Being part of a recovery community has exposed me to a wealth of recovery tools and strategies. Peers who have successfully overcome substance abuse and alcohol addiction have shared their experiences, offering insights and practical advice. Their wisdom has guided me in developing coping mechanisms, creating healthier habits, and navigating the ups and downs of recovery. Listening to the ones that have gone before me is an absolute must. 4. Relapse Prevention: The community has played a vital role in my relapse prevention efforts. Within this supportive network, I have learned to identify triggers, manage cravings, and recognize warning signs of potential relapse. Through ongoing communication and support, community members have helped me develop effective strategies to overcome challenges and maintain my sobriety. I did have one setback with nonprescription medication that forced a new sobriety date, but that does not discount the support and love of my tribe. 5. Non-judgmental Environment: One of the most significant benefits of community support is the non-judgmental environment it provides. Free from stigma and discrimination, I have been able to share my story honestly and openly. This acceptance has allowed me to heal from the shame and guilt associated with my disease, fostering self-compassion and a sense of belonging. I have also learned because of one singular personal experience that there are some people in the rooms that will judge me, and form opinions of behavior and my honesty based on observation of a computer screen over Zoom. Being that I cannot control the actions of another, I turned this over to my higher power and used the experience as a positive by being mindful of how my body feels and my emotions going into a meeting (kind of like the Northpoint IOP check-in exercise) and intentionally being more engaged on Zoom and in in-person meetings. 6. Building Healthy Relationships: Alcohol addiction often strains relationships, leading to isolation. However, being part of a recovery community has given me the opportunity to build healthy relationships with like-minded individuals. These connections are based on shared experiences and the mutual goal of sobriety. The support and camaraderie within the community have helped me rebuild a positive social network and find companionship on my journey. 7. Access to Resources and Treatment: The recovery community and Northpoint have provided me with access to various resources and treatment options that have been instrumental in my recovery journey. Whether it's counseling services, therapy, support group meetings, or educational workshops, the community has connected me to the necessary tools for my healing and growth. The availability of these resources within the community has been a challenge at times, but the ones I have been able to engage with have been key to my personal recovery. 8. Empowerment and Inspiration: Witnessing the personal transformations and successes of others within the community has been incredibly empowering and inspiring. Celebrating milestones together and supporting each other's progress has fostered resilience, self-belief, and a sense of possibility. The community has shown me that recovery is not only attainable but also a journey of personal growth and empowerment. Being part of a supportive community has been a lifeline in my recovery from my addiction. It has provided understanding, peer support, shared recovery tools, relapse prevention strategies, a non-judgmental environment, opportunities for building healthy relationships, access to resources and treatment, as well as empowerment and inspiration. Through active participation in this community, I have found strength, resilience, and the necessary support to rebuild my life and embrace a fulfilling, sober future. I think about everybody in the recovery community daily and hope that they are all taking advantage of the recovery community and experiencing the joy and happiness that those relationships bring. With Strength and Honor.

Acceptance and Trauma

07.13.2023 – Acceptance and Trauma During my recovery journey, one painful truth I confronted was how the childhood trauma I experienced within my family had contributed to my struggles with alcohol. The trauma had left deep emotional wounds that I initially sought to numb and escape through drinking. The memories and emotions associated with the trauma were overwhelming and often unbearable. In those moments, alcohol became a temporary refuge—a way to dull the pain, quiet the memories, and momentarily find shelter from the pain. It provided a false sense of relief, numbing the raw emotions that I wasn't ready or equipped to face at the time. However, as I progressed through my recovery, I began to recognize the destructive cycle I had fallen into. Alcohol was not a solution or a source of healing; it was merely masking the pain and prolonging my journey towards true recovery. I realized that to truly get better, I needed to confront the trauma head-on, process the emotions, and find healthier ways to cope. Use the tools that were given to me inpatient at Northpoint and in IOP afterwards. It was a challenging and courageous decision to confront the trauma without relying on alcohol as a remedy. I sought professional help and therapy to explore the roots of my trauma, develop coping mechanisms, and find healthier ways to address the pain. It was a journey of self-discovery and self-compassion, as I learned to love myself and to navigate the complexities of my emotions without numbing them. Throughout this process, I also had to face the fact that some family members were not willing to acknowledge the positive impact that recovery has had on me. Their denial and resistance only added to the difficulty of my recovery. It required me to set boundaries and prioritize my own well-being, even if it meant distancing myself from those who couldn't offer the support I needed. I needed to remove negativity from life. So, I did. In my recovery, I discovered that true healing comes from within. It involves learning to forgive myself for the unhealthy coping mechanisms I had developed, the pain I caused others including my biological family. I have now found healthier ways to address the pain and trauma. I went into Northpoint, I surrounded myself with a supportive network of individuals who understood and validated my experiences, offering encouragement and empathy along the way. Those people are really my family today. In this moment, I am proud to say that I have made significant progress in my recovery. I have developed healthier coping mechanisms, honed my resilience, and learned to face my trauma with courage and compassion. While the impact of childhood trauma will always be a part of my story, I refuse to let it define me or dictate my future. Recovery has taught me that healing is possible, even in the face of deep-seated trauma and the destructive coping mechanisms that once held me captive. By acknowledging the pain, asking for help, and finding healthier ways to cope, I have reclaimed my power and am now traveling the ancient path that those who went before me carved out. A path of love, kindness, humility, self-discovery, growth, and lasting recovery. With love and compassion – you are all miracles.

Effort

07.12.2023 – Effort In my reflection tonight, I am struck by the amount of work and effort required to keep from drowning in the sea of addiction. I left Northpoint in July of 2021 and was welcomed by a group of friends that I will be connected to forever. We had a regular scheduled meeting earlier tonight. It may just be me, but these last few months have seemed to create significant hardship and challenges for many of my friends in the tribe. I began to think about my own recovery and what is required to keep me on the path. The trap for me is looking back and using what happened to define what will happen. There have been times in my recovery journey that I put in a ton of effort and other times when I did not put in enough effort. One thing is for sure, the results I see in myself and in others around me are directly linked to the amount of effort and work put in. For me, recovery demands a comprehensive approach that addresses the physical, psychological, and social aspects of my disease. It is a journey that necessitates hard work, perseverance, and a commitment to pursuing positive change. One crucial aspect of recovery is personal effort. It begins with recognizing the presence of addiction, acknowledging its harmful effects, and committing to take action to create a better lifestyle. This required me to actively engage in treatment programs, participate in therapy sessions, and seek support from groups or networks specifically designed to help me with my disease. By being honest, consistently investing effort and making the conscious choice to not drink, I took the first steps towards my own recovery. For me, recovery also involved addressing the underlying factors contributing to my drinking. This involved examining past traumas, managing my mental health condition, and developing healthier coping mechanisms. It required me to put in the effort to identify triggers, learn new ways to manage stress and emotions, and work a program that fosters positive change. By actively working on personal growth and self-improvement, I broke free from the disease that wants to take everything from me. I strive to create the best version of me. Recovery also entails rebuilding various aspects of our lives. For me, this included changing my environment, restoring relationships, rebuilding trust, and developing a sense of purpose and fulfillment outside of substance use. For some of my friends and family, it involved finding new hobbies, pursuing education or career opportunities, and embracing a happier, healthier lifestyle. By working diligently to repair the damage caused by my disease and proactively creating a supportive and nurturing environment, I believe that I have established a solid foundation for long-term recovery. I want to emphasize that recovery from substance abuse is a complex and individualized process. Just because it’s what worked to help get me better, doesn’t mean it’s the only way to go. Different individuals may require different treatment approaches and support systems. However, regardless of the path chosen, the importance of hard work remains constant. By embracing the significance of hard work in the recovery process, we all can increase our chances of achieving lasting sobriety, personal growth, and overall well-being. With unwavering love and caring.

Natascha's 2 Years

07.12.2023 – For Natascha’s Two-Years I sent this to Natascha. I wanted to take a moment to express how incredibly proud I am of you for reaching this significant milestone of two years in your recovery journey. It is an achievement that deserves to be celebrated and cherished. Reflecting on where you were two years ago, I am astounded by the incredible progress you have made. Overcoming addiction and embarking on the path of recovery is no easy feat, and yet, you have faced the challenges head-on with unwavering determination and strength. Your commitment to healing and growth has been truly inspiring. I can still remember our time in IOP – you have transformed big time, my firnd. It is evident that your recovery has been built upon the foundation of resilience and an unyielding spirit. You have faced difficult moments, navigated through setbacks, and embraced the power of self-discovery. Your dedication to becoming the best version of yourself is awe-inspiring. But it's not just the milestones and accomplishments that make me proud of you. It's the courage you exhibit every day to stay true to your recovery, even when faced with temptations or obstacles. Your perseverance has been remarkable, and it serves as a shining example to others who may be on a similar journey. You always show up! Your determination to break free from the chains of addiction and create a better life for yourself is an incredible testament to your character. Your commitment to growth and self-improvement inspires those around you and reminds us all that change is possible, no matter how challenging it may seem. As you celebrate this two-year milestone, I want you to know that you are not alone. I am here, cheering you on, every step of the way. Your strength and resilience serve as a beacon of hope and a source of inspiration for everyone who knows you. Your journey is a reminder that we can overcome the greatest of obstacles and emerge stronger and more resilient on the other side. Congratulations on this remarkable achievement, my dear Natasha. You have come so far, and I believe in your ability to continue forging a path of recovery, growth, and fulfillment. May each passing day bring you closer to the life you deserve, filled with love, joy, and endless possibilities. With immeasurable pride and admiration

A Poem - The Sea

07.11.2023 – The Sea of Recovery In the realm where land meets sea, A message emerges, subtle and free. Nature's embrace, the ocean's might, Reflects the journey of reclaiming light. Just as waves crash upon the shore, Life's tumultuous tides we can't ignore. Alcohol, a tempestuous brew, Captures hearts, leaving souls askew. But amidst the chaos, hope does rise, Like sun-kissed waves under bright blue skies. Recovery, a beacon, a lighthouse strong, Guiding lost ships, righting all wrongs. The ocean, vast, its depths unknown, Mirrors the soul that seeks to atone. Like the ebb and flow of the tidal dance, Healing whispers within its expanse. With each crashing wave, a lesson taught, A gentle reminder, a wisdom sought. Embracing sobriety, a transformation grand, An awakening, as grains of sand. The Eagles soar, their cries elate, As recovering souls reclaim their fate. They spread their wings, no longer confined, To the depths of addiction, they've left behind. In nature's symphony, a melody pure, An orchestra of life, a spiritual cure. The ocean's whispers, the wind's sweet song, Awaken the spirit, making it strong. The salty air, a breath of rebirth, Healing wounds that once felt cursed. In harmony with nature's gentle sway, A soul blossoms, finding its own way. So let the ocean's metaphor unfold, A testament to strength and stories untold. Recovery, a journey, both fierce and brave, For a time seas are calm, but just for today.

Introspection

07.10.2023 – Self Inventory Today, I want to share a positive message from my heart as I continue my journey of recovery from alcohol addiction. It's a message about the incredible power of taking a personal inventory, inspired by a relapse I experienced along the way. Taking a personal inventory has been a transformative practice during my recovery. It was after a relapse that I realized the need to deeply examine myself, my actions, and the impact my addiction had on my life and the lives of those around me. It was a painful setback, but it became a catalyst for growth and self-reflection. Through this process of personal inventory, I have come to understand that relapse is not a sign of failure but an opportunity for introspection and self-awareness. It allowed me to confront the underlying causes and triggers that caused my relapse. By honestly examining my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, I have gained valuable insights into the patterns and vulnerabilities that need healing. But here's the remarkable part: taking a personal inventory after a relapse has also revealed my inner strength and determination. It has shown me that setbacks do not define me; rather, they provide an opportunity to learn and grow. Through self-reflection and examination, I have discovered a wellspring of resilience and self-compassion within me. Recovering from addiction is not a journey that can be taken alone. It involves seeking support from loved ones, professional guidance, and perhaps even support groups. However, it is through the practice of personal inventory that I have truly transformed my life. Taking a personal inventory has allowed me to redefine my values, set meaningful goals, and cultivate a genuine connection with my inner self. It has helped me recognize my strengths and identify areas where I can grow and improve. I have unearthed passions and talents that were long forgotten or never fully explored. Each day, I now approach life with a renewed sense of purpose and gratitude. Through the process of personal inventory, I have learned to appreciate the beauty of the present moment. I no longer let relapse discourage me; instead, I view it as an opportunity to deepen my understanding and commitment to recovery. I embrace every experience, whether joyful or challenging, knowing that it is an opportunity for self-discovery and growth. Today, I am filled with gratitude for the transformative power of taking a personal inventory, even in the face of relapse. It has given me the strength to overcome setbacks and embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery. I hope that my story will inspire you to embark on your own path of personal inventory, knowing that within the depths of self-examination lies the key to unlocking a future filled with hope, resilience, and genuine fulfillment.

A Sponsor

07.09.2023 As I reflect tonight, I am filled with gratitude for the incredible gift of having time with a sponsor and embracing a Higher Power in my life. The combined impact of these relationships has been nothing short of transformative, and today as I continue to search for a new sponsor, I want to share with you the profound significance of having a sponsor, working the 12 steps, and embracing a Higher Power in my life. When I first stepped through the doors of Northpoint, I was consumed by fear, doubt, and a deep sense of isolation. Addiction had stripped away my self-worth, leaving me broken and uncertain about the path ahead. I had no feelings – I was an empty shell that desperately wanted to stop drinking. I was welcomed with warmth, love, and a ton of grace. As I sobered up and began to think more clearly, I embraced the people and the process. I loved my time in-patient. I used to ride the elevator every morning because it was a sure-fire way to meet, greet, and love on all the incoming people that were probably feeling the same way I did when I arrived. My coin out was tough – I had built better relationships in my short time there than I had in years. I became an advocate for step work during my time in IOP. I was haphazardly white knuckling it until a friend in IOP encouraged me to try the steps. So, I did. The moment I found a sponsor, a glimmer of hope illuminated began to illuminate my path. Simultaneously, embracing a Higher Power inviting me to rebuild that fractured relationship and recognize that my higher power was always there, a loving and compassionate energy that I could turn to for strength and guidance. It was through this Higher Power that I surrendered my pride, my need for control, and my belief that I alone had the answers. I humbly acknowledged that I was part of something bigger and tapped into a wellspring of divine wisdom and grace. Having a sponsor and embracing a Higher Power was like having guardian angels on this arduous journey. They could see right through the camouflage of my excuses, my justifications, and my self-destructive tendencies. Always holding me accountable, gently but firmly, so that I could break free from the chains of addiction. Not having a sponsor today is a gap in my working the program – an important element that is required to help me see the forest through the trees and provide a time-tested methodology for recovery and living. I learnt that the gift of a sponsor and a Higher Power is not limited to the confines of meetings; it extended far beyond that sacred space. They became my guides through the challenges of everyday life. In moments of temptation, doubt, or despair, they offered their hands, reminding me of the tools I had acquired and the strength I possessed within. My higher power would speak directly to my heart through my sponsor many times. I learnt that sobriety was not just abstinence from alcohol; it was a way of living, a blueprint for life, a journey towards self-discovery, service, and personal growth. Having a sponsor and embracing a Higher Power is a testament to the power of human connection and the transformative nature of faith. They believe in me when I struggle to believe in myself. They celebrate my progress, no matter how small, and inspire me to reach for the stars. They constantly remind me that recovery is possible, that I am deserving of a better life, and that my past does not define my future. I honor the past, but I don’t live in it now. They also remind me often that recovery is hard and requires hard work. It is a program of action and talk is cheap. I need this in my life to keep me moving forward and to avoid complacency. Remember, my dear friends, we are not alone on this journey. We have each other, and with love and guidance, we can conquer the depths of addiction and soar to new heights of serenity, joy, and fulfillment. Our cups can be filled with goodness, kindness, and compassion. In solidarity and with boundless hope and love.

Community

07.08.2023 – My Journey of Recovery and Support from others I hope this message finds everybody well. Today, I wanted to share a personal reflection that has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. It concerns my journey of recovery and the feeling of being left behind by those who were once close to me. I thought at one point that I had found the best friend I had been longing for – the last words I said to him were “call me tomorrow” – I don’t expect that tomorrow will ever come. Recovery, as many know, is not an easy path to walk. It requires immense strength, resilience, and a support system that stands by your side through the ups and downs. However, I have come to realize that the support I had hoped for has been disappointingly scarce. My disease will say things like, “its your fault”, “you are no better a friend today than you were in the middle of your addiction”, “you should not have reset your sober date, now you will never be considered a winner and have been voted off that island for good”. I know this is my disease trying to make it all about me, that’s why its been weighing heavily on my mind for some time now. Throughout my recovery, like all of you, I have faced numerous challenges and moments of vulnerability. I have put in immense effort to serve others, to heal, to grow, and to rebuild my life from the shattered fragments of my past. There were times when I desperately needed someone to reach out, to check on me, and to remind me that I was not alone. But, sadly, those moments of reassurance were far and few between. I always had to make the call. I’ve had several who I thought were closest to me say, “if you ever need anything or feel like you’re going to drink, give me a call, I am here for you”. I need those kinds of people, but it’s not enough when the people I thought were closest to me say those same words and then disappear until I reach out, many times without a response – more times than not. Without continued connection, the relationship deteriorates. For me, a call for help moves further and further away with time. I am writing this because I do not want to have any resentments – I don’t want to drink over it, and, to my point, I don’t really have anybody I feel I can call to talk about it (I need to find a new sponsor fast). It's disheartening to see that some of the people I considered close seem to have faded into the background. The silence is deafening for me, and their absence speaks volumes directly into my diseased brain. I had expected a simple message, a phone call, or perhaps even a text for no reason but to say hi from time to time. Just something to let me know that my journey mattered to them, that I mattered to them. But instead, there has been an eerie silence that has left me feeling isolated and forgotten. However, it's essential for me to acknowledge that this realization has also served as a catalyst for growth. It has taught me the importance of self-reliance, self-care, and self-love. Through my journey of recovery, I have discovered an inner strength I never knew I possessed. I have learned to rely on myself and to find solace in my own company during some of life’s most challenging moments. Aside from my wife, I have become my own champion, my own cheerleader. While I can't control the actions or inactions of others, I can choose how I respond to this situation. I have resolved to focus on my own well-being, to surround myself with individuals who genuinely care, and to let go of those who are unable or unwilling to offer the support I need. In the end, my recovery is mine alone, and I will continue to persevere, even if the path is at times lonesome. I am guessing that some of you find yourselves in a similar situation, grappling with the feeling of being overlooked during your own recovery journey, please remember that you are not alone. Your strength is remarkable, and your resilience is inspiring. Trust in yourself and keep moving forward while intentionally filling your cup. Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I hope my words serve as a reminder to all of us to reach out and check on the people we care about. Sometimes, a simple act of kindness and connection can make all the difference in someone's life. I am committing to reach out to a different person every day for the next week and then make it a routine to reach out regularly as part of my own recovery. Sending much love and encouragement.

Bonsai!!

07.07.2023 For the past several weeks I have been looking into the art of bonsai as a part of a broader business plan I am working on. I can't help but see it as a profound metaphor for recovery journey. Each delicate tree represents not only nature's beauty but also the resilience and transformative power within me. In the world of bonsai, shaping and balance are paramount. Artists carefully prune, wire, and train the tree to create a harmonious form. Similarly, in my recovery, I must confront and reshape the aspects of my life that no longer serve me. It's a process of letting go—letting go of destructive habits, negative people, thoughts, and unhealthy patterns. Just like the branches and foliage cut away from the bonsai tree, I must shed the unnecessary baggage that holds me back. But recovery is not a quick fix; it's a patient and ongoing endeavor. Bonsai teaches the value of perseverance. It takes years for a bonsai tree to mature and reveal its true beauty, and so it is with my recovery. I must be patient with myself, understanding that healing takes time. I take small, consistent steps each day, nurturing my physical, mental, and emotional well-being, just as a bonsai artist tends to their tree. Choosing the right pot for a bonsai tree is essential—it provides the foundation for growth. Likewise, in my recovery, I need a supportive environment and the right people around me. They are the pots that nurture and support my journey. With their understanding and encouragement, I gain the strength to keep moving forward. Bonsai also reminds me of the importance of adaptability and resilience. Trees in the wild face countless challenges, just as I do in my recovery. Yet, like a bonsai tree, I learn to adapt, adjust, and keep growing despite the obstacles. I find the strength within me to face unexpected changes, setbacks, and hardships. The art of bonsai teaches me that resilience is not just about surviving but thriving in the face of adversity. In bonsai, I find beauty in imperfection. The gnarled trunks, asymmetrical branches, and uneven foliage are all celebrated in their unique way—a concept known as "wabi-sabi." And so it is with my recovery. I learn to embrace my imperfections, scars, and mistakes. They are part of my journey, reminders of my strength and growth – of my imperfection. I find beauty in the imperfect pieces that make up the mosaic of my life. As I continue to explore bonsai, I am reminded that I, too, am a work of art in progress. Through shaping and balance, patience and perseverance, adaptation and resilience, and finding beauty in imperfection, I am transforming myself into something uniquely beautiful. It’s been a really rough few days. I am experiencing pain in my right shoulder that has worsened and moved into the center of my back if I move wrong. It causes me to be irritable. This irritability is not doing anybody any good. All it does is make a stressful season even more unpleasant. I wear my emotions and feelings on my sleeve sometimes and I need to prune, wire, and train myself to accept things the way they are and try hard to maintain positivity. Please remember me in your thoughts. Stay tuned! Love you all.

Activated

07.03.2023 – Recovery Activated on the Island Reflecting on the last two years, I can't help but feel immense gratitude for the initial 18 months of hard work, dedication, and a loving God that led me to discover the healing power of a simpler life. My recovery journey has been filled with both triumphs and challenges, but through it all, I have witnessed my own resilience and strength. I have rekindled the flames of my spirituality and my relationship with God. I am eternally grateful for a program that has provided a framework for living and has revealed to me riches that I could not even imagine when I was lost at the bottom of a bottle. For a year and a half, I navigated the challenging path of recovery. It was a time filled with ups and downs, moments of triumph and moments of doubt. I sought help, engaged in therapy, and surrounded myself with a supportive network of beloved friends, my amazing wife, and a family who never stopped believing in me. During this transformative period, I faced my demons, confronted the underlying issues that fueled my disease, and learned healthy coping mechanisms for those moments in life that require a mindful response rather than some sort of temporary relief. It was a time of self-discovery, self-compassion, and learning to love again as I unraveled the layers of pain and embraced the process of healing. It was after those initial 18 months, when I had healed enough to think clearly and make sound decisions, that God presented the opportunity to move. It felt like a calling—a chance to immerse myself in a new environment, one that would provide the perfect backdrop for further growth, renewal, and transformation. At the same time, it was terrifying. I would be leaving the comfort of the known and be distanced from my treasured friends and the fellowship that was so important to my recovery. It was the next exciting milestone for my wife and I as we took our daughter and move to an island in the pacific. Upon arriving, a sense of serenity washed over me. The air was crisp, the scent of saltwater carried on the breeze, and the island embraced me and my family with open arms. It was as if the very essence of the place whispered, "Welcome home. Here, you will find the peace and solace you have been seeking." The island's magnificent beaches have become an integral part of my recovery journey. Being constantly drawn there by my higher power. Each day that I walk their shores, the sand beneath my feet grounds me in the present moment. My higher power using the rhythmic sound of crashing waves as a symphony for my contemplation, soothing my soul and reminding me of the vastness of the world beyond my own struggles. The beaches, with their pristine beauty, have become my sanctuary—a place where I can continue to release the weight of the past and embrace the limitless possibilities of the present. Sitting upon the sands, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, and allowing Jesus to use the healing energy of the island to wash over me. The gentle lapping of the waves and the caress of the ocean breeze carrying away the daily challenges of life, the remnants of pain and doubt, and replacing them with a renewed sense of hope and purpose. It feels like life prepared me to come full circle and has welcomed me back into the familiar waters of my youth in southern California. I look up at the sky every day. I marvel at the clouds that dance above the island and provide cover for the mountain tops. They take on various shapes and forms, each beautiful and unique, transforming the canvas of the sky into a tapestry of inspiration. Sometimes I sit on the beach, my eyes fixed on the ever-changing patterns, finding solace and encouragement in their fleeting beauty. Those clouds become a reflection of my journey—sometimes stormy, sometimes gentle, but always evolving and reminding me that change and transformation are natural parts of my journey. I must continue to activate my recovery daily – the hard work is still required to keep myself on the path. The island provides the perfect environment for my continued journey. Its lush greenery and vibrant flora mirroring the fresh awakening within me. Each step I take feels like a step towards a deeper understanding of myself, a closer connection to God and the mysteries of a better future. If you find yourself on a similar journey, embrace it, seek support, and celebrate along the way. And when you discover your own version of the island—be it in nature, in art, or in the love and support of others—allow the spirit to guide you, to inspire you, and to remind you that a life free from the chains of the past is both possible and worth fighting for. May your sands ground you, your waves inspire you, your clouds remind you of the ever-changing nature of life and may the beauty around you ignite your spirit. With love and unwavering belief in the journey.

The Higher Power - My God as I Understand Him

I only know one way to get better – it was going to treatment and working on a program. I was not a fan at all of the twelve-step methodology when I went through Northpoint, nor did I have any desire to engage as a “twelve stepper”. It took several failed and very difficult attempts at other ways to “white knuckle” it before somebody simply recommended a meeting and to work the steps. This is exactly what I needed to give myself some structure and release control (over time – this was (is) tough for me). Looking back, I would not change a thing. Through trial and error and use of my own self will, which is how I had tried to stop using in the past, I landed softly on the cushions of the twelve steps. This is what’s on my heart today as your friend and brother in recovery. Not to say that I am any better than anybody else, because I am not. I went into treatment on June 24, 2021 and my sober date is June 18, 2023. I stumbled, but I am learnt and am trying hard to live in complete surrender and wait for each opportunity to do the next right thing. I have been working on this for a little while and wanted to share my personal experiences and observations in an attempt to maybe provide one or two people with a different perspective. First of all, it takes tremendous courage and strength to confront our deepest struggles and work towards personal growth and healing, and you should know that you are not alone in this process. There is hope for a brighter future ahead, and the discovery of a higher power can be a transformative aspect of your journey. The Twelve Steps provide a framework for self-discovery, self-reflection, and ultimately, transformation. They offer a path towards healing, spiritual growth, and a renewed sense of purpose, with the acknowledgment that a higher power plays a vital role in our recovery. As you progress through the steps, you have the opportunity to explore and define what a higher power means to you, and how its presence can guide and support you along the way. The discovery of a higher power is a deeply personal and unique experience. It involves recognizing that there is a force greater than us, whether it be a traditional religious deity, the power of nature, the collective wisdom of a supportive community, or any other concept that resonates with your beliefs. It is an invitation to expand your perspective and embrace a source of guidance and strength that transcends our individual limitations. As you engage in the Twelve Steps, remain open to the possibilities of what a higher power can mean to you. Allow yourself to explore different spiritual practices, seek guidance from trusted sources, and engage in meaningful conversations with others who have gone through similar experiences. Through this process, you may discover a connection to something greater than yourself that brings you comfort, solace, and inspiration. Remember that your higher power is a loving and compassionate presence that can provide you with the support and guidance you need on your journey. It is a force that understands and accepts you unconditionally, offering forgiveness and redemption as you work through the steps. Embrace the notion that your higher power is on your side, rooting for your success, and always available to lend a helping hand. While progress in the Twelve Steps is not always linear, setbacks may occur along the way. There have been several for me personally. However, with the support of my higher power, I found the strength to persevere. Trust in the process, have faith in your higher power's plan for you, and allow it to guide you through difficult times. You are not alone on this journey; you have a powerful ally in your higher power. Surround yourself with a supportive community of individuals who share a belief in the presence of a higher power. Attend meetings, share your experiences, and listen to others with an open heart. It is through this shared connection that we find strength, inspiration, and a sense of unity as we navigate the Twelve Steps together. Celebrate the milestones and victories on your journey, recognizing the transformative power of your connection to a higher power. Each step completed in partnership with your higher power brings you closer to a life of freedom, authenticity, and a deepening sense of purpose. Embrace the growth and positive changes you experience along the way, knowing that your higher power is working through you. Lastly, always remember that you are deserving of love, understanding, and support from your higher power and the people around you. Reach out to your sponsor, trusted friends, or professionals whenever you need guidance or a listening ear. Never hesitate to ask for help, as it is a sign of strength and determination in your commitment to your higher power's plan for your life. Believe in yourself and the transformative power of the Twelve Steps, knowing that the discovery of a higher power is an integral part of your journey. With dedication, perseverance, and a deepening connection to your higher power, you can create a future filled with hope, happiness, and fulfillment. Trust in the process and embrace the profound impact of your higher power on your path of self-discovery and healing. For me, it was not enough to just acknowledge the existence of a higher power – I had to experience my higher power working in my life. Once I did that, my program picked up a whole new gear. I love you and am always here as a brother in recovery.

Live in The Moment

07.01.2023 – Live in the Moment In the grand tapestry of life, the present moment is a precious thread, woven with infinite potential. It is here, in the delicate embrace of the present, where true magic resides.In a world that pulls us in countless directions, it is all too easy to become entrapped by the past or entangled in worries about the future. Yet, amidst the chaos, lies a profound wisdom: the power of living in the moment.By releasing the weight of the past and releasing the grip on the future, we set ourselves free. We become liberated from regret, fear, and the illusion of control. We step into the boundless realm of possibility, where dreams are born and destinies unfold. In this very moment, you possess the power to shape your reality, to create a life that aligns with your deepest desires. Let go of distractions and worries that cloud your vision. Embrace the present, for it holds the key to your true potential. So, dear wanderer, seize the day with an open heart and an open mind. Embrace the beauty that surrounds you, and let it nourish your spirit. Allow the present moment to be your guide, and may its radiant energy infuse every step you take on this extraordinary journey called life.