SERVE

So here I sit at the end of 2009 wondering where the year has gone. I have been pondering the coming year for the past several days - trying to think of a theme. My wife asked me, "what is your word for 2010?" - what one word would I use to describe my intentions next year... there were several things that I want to work on and it was difficult to sum them up in one word. After much consideration, I landed on "SERVE". I chose this word for several reasons, all of which are areas that I plan to focus on in the coming year.

SERVE MY GOD
I have been growing in my faith and desire to intentionally take my relationship with God to the next level. I registered to take a class starting in January called Perspectives - this will help me to grow closer in my relationship with Jesus Christ and gain some level of clarity around my calling. I am trying be very intentional in focusing on my realtionship with Him and am actually excited about getting involved in this study. I also have a few other things I am looking forward to and working on. The business that we started last year [Global Platform Solutions] to fund Global Breakthrough will begin working with a couple of businesses in 2010 to establish a revenue stream and fund the missions of Global Breakthrough - very exciting oppotunities to expand the Kingdom. I will be attending 2 Wild at Heart bootcamp events and hopefully one Advanced event in 2010. I am headed to Crooked Creek in Colorado in March and down to the Washington Family Camp in Oregon in April - both of these camps will provide me with a great opportunity to witness to other men about the transformation that has occured in my life and hopefully help them open the door and allow God to restore thier hearts. I am so excited to be serving God and expanding the Kingdom - 2010 will be EPIC!

SERVE MY FAMILY
Of course, continuing to work and pay the bills and provide a good life is in there some where, but I thinking about more intentional things. I am thinking about things specifically around my marriage and around my son, Bobby. As my marriage is concerned, serving here will benefit my whole family. I was talking to friend of mine the other day about marriage and I was explaining to him that marriage is like being on a cruise ship all alone with your spouse. There are times when you need to be down in the belly of the ship patching holes and bailing water and truly working hard and there are other times when you can simply enjoy some time up on the sun deck watching a football game on a big screen jumbotron or something. The important thing about marriage is to always be alert and looking for the leaks and looking ahead to make sure you are on course - watching for those big icebergs. I have learned that it is vital to constantly evaluate the needs of my wife and make sure I am filling those needs - even asking her if I am meeting them. I will intentionally pursue my wife with a vengence and keep alert for for those times and experiences where the enemy may try to come in a screw things up. I will pray for my marriage daily and ask God to reveal to me all areas where I can improve. I love my wife more today than ever and if I have to be alone on a cruise ship in the middle of the ocean, I could not think of a stronger, more dedicated person to be with than her. A side benefit of serving my marriage is the positive impact this will have on all of kids - I intend to teach them that its ok (and required) to go down in the belly of the ship once in a while a argue loudly and disagree on certain things because in the end, our love and relationship is strong enough to withstand the worst storms that life can throw at us.

My son, Bobby turns 13 this year in about a week. I intend to make a list of things that we will do to recognize his move into young adulthood. Some of the things we have already planned are trips down to Oregon to visit his grandpa Jack, my dad, and learn how shoot compound bows and all kinds of guns. We will make the trip alone and I am also excited about the opportunity to bond with my dad as well. I have been neglecting that relationship for too long.

SERVING MY FRIENDS
I will intentionally look for opportunities to witness to friends about how God has changed my life. How He has renewed several areas of my life and continues reveal new things all the time. I am also very interested in starting a small group with Tammy of no more than 6 people that are intested in doing life together, getting together and studying God's word and sharing our lifes experiences with one another to strengthen our faith and intentionally build better relationships in our community.

SERVING THE HEARTS OF MEN
I am very interested in continuing to pursue the possiblity of starting a ministry in the northwest that goes after restoration of the hearts of men through the message of Wild at Heart. This has been on my heart for over a year now and I will be intentional about learning and refining the process of delivering this message and helping men recover that which was taken from them in the garden of eden. Stay tuned on this front.

MY HEALTH
The final most significant thing that I intend to work on is my health. I stopped smoking in early 2009 and since then have gained about 40 lbs. In order for me to serve the Kingdom effectively, I have got to improve my health. My weight has an impact on almost every aspect of my life - it prevents me taking on adventures that I would like to on, it makes me feel self conscious when I am around others, and it has a significant impact on my self esteem and self image. I have to fix this and I will use prayer and faith to provide my strength in attacking this opportunity in my life. The enemy knows what this does to me and he loves to camp out there....

I will pray tonight that all of you enjoy the new year and are showered with God's Grace in 2010.

What is your word for 2010?

Something Up His Sleeve

Rescuing the human heart is the hardest mission in the world.

The dilemma of the Story is this: we don’t know if we want to be rescued. We are so enamored with our small stories and our false gods, we are so bound up in our addictions and our self-centeredness and take-it-for-granted unbelief that we don’t even know how to cry out for help. And the Evil One has no intention of letting his captives walk away scot-free. He seduces us, deceives us, assaults us—whatever it takes to keep us in darkness.

Like a woman bound to an affair from which she cannot get free, like a man so corrupted he no longer knows his own name, the human race is captive in the worst way possible—we are captives of the heart.

Their hearts are always going astray. (Hebrews 3:10)

God is filled with the jealousy of a wounded lover. He has been betrayed time and again.

The challenge God faces is rescuing a people who have no idea how captive they are; no real idea how desperate they are. We know we long for Eden, but we hesitate to give ourselves back to God in abandoned trust. We are captivated by the lies of our Enemy.

But God has something up his sleeve.

Eldredge is brilliant, his ability to put thoughts in to words is amazing!
Epic 62 - 64

Is He trying to tell me something?

Sometimes it may be God trying to tell you something or send a message. Its not always what you might like to think it is.....

The Sniper

It has been a while.... I have to say there is a lot going on in my life these days. I am still getting settled in to my new job, the kids are involved in all kinds of sports, I had braces put on my teeth about a month ago, I had minor surgery on my right thumb a couple weeks ago, a friend of mine is battling a lawsuit to preserve his business that will become a key piece of the missionary ministry that I am part of and I am preparing to head to Colorado in a couple of weeks to attend a Wild at Heart Boot Camp with John Eldridge and his band of warriors. What does all this mean?

SPIRITUAL WARFARE is abundant in my life. The enemy is sniping me at every turn.

About a month ago I was considering leaving the church we attend because of some perceptions that I had developed. The enemy was right there feeding me with all kinds of judgemental thoughts. I was on the edge of leaving when I sat down with my friend, Jeff, and talked to him about it. Jeff is somewhat of a spiritual mentor for me [he is also an elder in the church]. I explained to him what I was thinking and he told me to follow my heart and allow God to lead me. He encouraged me to "remember why you are there [at church], you are not there for anybody but God" - this hit me like a ton of bricks and exposed the enemies strategy. I prayed after my meeting with Jeff and removed the enemies foothold....

I went to court a few Friday's ago to support and pray for my friend, Robert. He is the rightful owner of a company and technology that he is fighting to keep. He also has a heart for kingdom work and would like to use this company to fund a ministry that I am a part of. This SCARES the enemy for sure! So I went in to the court room and sat with the opposing side and prayed the entire time. I prayed for Robert's protection and success and I also prayed for all of the folks that are trying to steal Robert's company. That night the right side of my mouth became a bit sore and by Sunday night I was in extreme pain and unable to sleep most of the night due to the infection that had set in on the right side of my mouth. The sniper had got me again. I don't know if you have ever had a gum infection before, but it ranks in the top 5 of pain for sure. I went to the dentist on Monday and got some medicine and began to heal. Long story short, it did not heal right and I had exposed jaw bone in the back of my mouth for about a week - a final pot shot by the enemy.... how ridiculous, right?

I knew this whole gum infection thing was a direct attack and had to laugh about it, despite the amount of pain I was in. I began praying about it quite a bit and was really "ok" with the attack. I figured the pain I was experiencing was nothing compared to the cross. I must have read Eph 6 about 10 times during the whole thing.... the armor definitely helps as long as I remember to put it on.

Finally, there have been a number of other attacks on various relationships, some ethical issues at work, silly arguments with my wife that I can not even remember what they were about. The enemy is lurking in the shadows with his sniper rifle and taking shots at me all the time.

I expect the battle to get worse and the attacks to become more intense as my trip to Colorado draws closer. I will stand strong in the faith knowing that angels are near and that the armor of God will protect me. With the authority given to me by the one who lives in me, I will rebuke the enemy and move forward in the battle.

I will glorify Him daily and will always be thankful for His grace and sacrifice that make salvation possible.

Warrior Princess

A piece of Eldredge's book "Captivating" that I really love - my wife, Tammy, just attended "Captivating" in Colorado a short time ago. She is my warrior princess...

“Me, a princess?”
“You are the legal heir.”
“I never lead anyone.”
“We will help you to be a princess, to rule. If you refuse to accept the throne then the kingdom will cease to exist as we know it.”
--The Princess Diaries

In God’s name we must fight them!
--Joan of Arc

Women are often portrayed in stories and tales as the “Damsel in Distress.” We are the ones for whom men rise up and slay dragons. We are the “weaker sex”; said to faint at the sight of blood, needing to be spared the gory details of battle whether on the field or in the market place. We are the ones waiting in our flowing gowns for the knight to come and carry us away on the back of his white horse. And yes. There are days when a knight in shining armor would be most welcome. We do long to be fought for; loved enough to be courageously protected. But there is a mighty fierceness set in the heart of women by God. It is true to who we are and what we are created to do.

Women are warriors too.

Redeemed women of God have tender, merciful hearts, backbones of steel and hands that have been trained for battle. There is something incredibly fierce in the heart of a woman that is to be contended with, not dismissed, not disdained, but recognized, honored, welcomed and trained.

(Captivating , 186-188)

The Ambush

I am heading to another Boot Camp in October. This one is facilitated by Ransomed Heart Ministries in Colorado (John Eldredge's Camp - he wrote Wild at Heart). I have made my way to one of the forums for men attending this camp. A good place to ask questions and simply get to know some of the guys going. One of the guys, Brad, started a post today where he was talking about a book called "The Way of te Wild Heart" - another book that Eldredge wrote about the phases of the masculine journey. It is kind of a road map to the masculine soul. He was speaking about his troubles with comparing his father to the book and identiying that his father had fallen short in many respects - as I read through this, the enemy ambushed me. I posted a response on the forum and here is how it went...

Hey Guys,

I was struggling as to whether or not I was going to toss some feedback in to the mix on this one. I read through the initial post here and immediately felt two things – jealousy and then I was mad. To explain why I felt these two emotions, I am going to share some of my story. I am a firm believer in personal transparency and it helps me in my walk. I have read The Way of The Wild Heart as well, and used the book in two ways – to take some[more]of my wounds to the cross with my Father in heaven by my side and to learn about the things I needed to do in future so that I progressed down the masculine path and ensurethat my children are not taken out the way I was.

My father was absent for my entire childhood. I had a step-father that was completely absent except for the times where I was to be punished for something. I have no memory what so ever that I can look back on and call a “good father and son moment”. I grew up not knowing that I was adopted until I was 21 years old and in the Navy. I knew who my birth father was because he was my older brother’s father as well. There was an agreement made that I was never to be told that I was adopted – the reason for the agreement remains vague to this day and frankly is not important to me at all, we all know who was responsible for that. In any event, I did not grow up with a father in my life. The closest thing I had to a father figure was my wife’s father, but he passed away when I was 26 years old.

So when I read the post, I was overcome with a sense of jealousy as I cannot look back on my father and compare him to any phase in The Way Of the Wild Heart. I do not have any of those experiences to reflect on. Whether good or bad experiences, I still found myself a bit jealous for not even going through that thought process. I then began to get pissed. Here we are, men on a journey to restore our hearts and to understand our place in the larger story. God has given us the gifts of Wild at Heart and Fathered by God to help along that journey. The enemy lurks in the shadows and looks for any opportunity to launch an assault on our hearts. The enemy had me feeling like I was in a different spot than most of the other men on the forum and that I should probably not share my feedback, because it would not be meaningful. He also attempted to reopen one of my deepest wounds in the process. I then realized that the enemy was working in this story to take out and re-open wounds that Brad may have by telling him that his father “did not measure up”…. This is a classic attack.

I then began to pray immediately and turned to Ephesians 6…. I asked that God send his angels to watch over and protect Brad all the other men that are headed to Colorado in October. This is just the beginning of the attacks that start to occur before we head in to these camps – the enemy is NOT happy at all that we are going! I then began to pray about my past brokenness - I know that my dad loves me and that he had no intention of wounding me as a child. I know that the experiences created during times in my life that I cannot even remember (around age 2 or 3) were the work of the enemy to take me out. I also know that I have surrendered that to my Father in heaven and forgiven my birth father. I will not continue to let enemy work me over in these corners of my life – I am sober and alert. The enemy almost successfully ambushed me today. Be alert gentlemen – be alert. All the glory goes to our Father. Praise the Lord….

I am feeling pretty good tonight! Chalked up a win.

The Imposter

(Wild at Heart , 107–8)


From the place of our woundedness we construct a false self. We find a few gifts that work for us, and we try to live off them. Stuart found he was good at math and science. He shut down his heart and spent all his energies perfecting his “Spock” persona. There, in the academy, he was safe; he was also recognized and rewarded. “When I was eight,” confesses Brennan Manning, “the impostor, or false self, was born as a defense against pain. The impostor within whispered, ‘Brennan, don’t ever be your real self anymore because nobody likes you as you are. Invent a new self that everybody will admire and nobody will know.’” Notice the key phrase: “as a defense against pain,” as a way of saving himself. The impostor is our plan for salvation.

So God must take it all away. He thwarts our plan for salvation; he shatters the false self. Our plan for redemption is hard to let go of; it clings to our hearts like an octopus.

Why would God do something so terrible as to wound us in the place of our deepest wound? Jesus warned us that “whoever wants to save his life will lose it” (Luke 9:24). Christ is not using the word bios here; he’s not talking about our physical life. The passage is not about trying to save your skin by ducking martyrdom or something like that. The word Christ uses for “life” is the word psyche—the word for our soul, our inner self, our heart. He says that the things we do to save our psyche, our self, those plans to save and protect our inner life—those are the things that will actually destroy us. “There is a way that seems right to a man but in the end it leads to death,” says Proverbs 16:25. The false self, our plan for redemption, seems so right to us. It shields us from pain and secures us a little love and admiration. But the false self is a lie; the whole plan is built on pretense. It’s a deadly trap. God loves us too much to leave us there. So he thwarts us, in many, many different ways.

The Ene(me)

One thing to always keep in mind is that we live in a fallen world. We are at war and warfare is a task for soldiers. I do not claim to be an expert in the area, but I will say that I have been studying this for close to a year straight. Some of what I have found in my research you will find in my blog.
There are certain things a soldier must know in order to be effective on the field of battle. There is no difference when it comes to spiritual warfare. As warriors, we must know the answers to very important questions if we are to fight the war properly. The first and most important question is “who is the enemy?”

There is more than one way that enemy reveals itself to us – for the sake of this blog and where my heart sits today, I am going to focus on ourself. The reason I have chosen this is because without conquering our internal enemy, we cannot defeat the external enemy. I have been on a personal mission to cover myself in the armor of God on a daily basis (Ephesians, Chapter 6) and wage war against a strong and determined enemy. As you can see in recent posts, I have been struggling with my own personal sinful nature – the sinful nature that was bestowed upon me 2000 years ago in a beautiful garden - not placing blame here, its a fact. The bible tells us to take care of our own sin prior to go after the sin of others.

Matthew 7:3-5 (New Living Translation)

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend,‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye.

It is very telling that Jesus calls a person who does not deal with his own sin first a “hypocrite”. Hypocrisy is condemned in a number of places in the NT (Mat 7:5, Mat 23:28, Mk 12:15, Lk 6:42, Lk 12:1, Lk 13:15, 1 Ti 4:2, Jam 3:17). I will only mention Luke 12:1 here because it is key in understanding what is happening when we act in hypocrisy.

Luke 12:1 (New Living Translation)

Meanwhile, the crowds grew until thousands were milling about and stepping on each other. Jesus turned first to his disciples and warned them, “Beware of the yeast of the Pharisees—their hypocrisy.

When we are hypocrites we follow the teaching of the Pharisees, not the teaching of Jesus. If we act under any teaching or authority except that of Jesus, we cannot fight the enemy. Look at what happened to the sons of Sceva when they tried to cast out evil spirits . . .

Acts 19:13-16 (New Living Translation)

A group of Jews was traveling from town to town casting out evil spirits. They tried to use the name of the Lord Jesus in their incantation, saying, “I command you in the name of Jesus, whom Paul preaches, to come out!” Seven sons of Sceva, a leading priest, were doing this. But one time when they tried it, the evil spirit replied, “I know Jesus, and I know Paul, but who are you?” Then the man with the evil spirit leaped on them, overpowered them, and attacked them with such violence that they fled from the house, naked and battered.

When we do not fight our own sin first and act under the authority and teaching of Jesus, we will be overcome by the enemy and lose the battle.

Hipocracy is a formidable opponent in the spiritual battle. How can I expect that I will not be judged if I continue to pass judgment on others.The bible teaches us not to judge and is very specific on this point.

Matthew 7:1 (New Living Translation)

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged."

I have spoken in previous blogs about my resentment and judgmental behavior toward my extended family and San Diego and this is the sin that I live with. Along the lines of resentment and judgment comes different forms of anger – more sin.

In this war, in this battle, the enemy is entrenched on the battlefield. The confidence of the enemy will be his downfall. As I sit here writing this, my wife sent me a text message that read:

Genesis 20:50

Joseph said to his brothers “You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”

Joseph knew that God had a plan.
Joseph trusted in God,
And now Joseph forgave his brothers.
God planned for Josephs good.

This is exactly the scripture I needed at exactly this point in time. Not that my brothers "intended to harm me", but certainly the enemy did. The take away here is forgiveness and placing faith in God and His plan. My wife and kids are working/attending Vacation Bible School at OCC this week and this is the story they are studying today.

Its important not to beat ourselves up too much as this is also the enemy working in us to keep push us away from our Father. It would be much easier to deal with sin if we were not held accountable you know(?) No matter what sin(s) we have committed – no matter how big or small – we can surrender those and leave them at the cross. What happens after we do that is what most important – sustaining the win. We must never forget that the war is ongoing, there are many battles to won.

As many of you know, I love epic films and watch movies through a lens that allows God to speak to my heart. As I am writing this post, I am reminded of the speech that Lieutenant Colonel Harold “Hal” G. Moore gave when addressing the 7th Cavalry in the movie “We Were Soldiers”. Here is a small piece of this speech that was given just before the soldiers deployed:

“We’re moving into the ‘valley of the shadow of death’ – where you will watch the back of the man next to you, as he will watch yours. And you won’t care what color he is or by what name he calls God. They say we’re leavin’ home. We’re going to what home was always suppose to be. So let us understand the situation. We are going into battle against a tough and determined enemy.”

These soldiers were going to what “home was always suppose to be” – we were always meant to be in the war – in the battle for good. The enemy has convinced us otherwise through his sinister ways… Take a stand and allow the enemy to gain no more ground. I will see you there - I will watch your back!

Love and Warfare

Last night I spent a lot of time with the Holy Spirit. I am finding it somewhat difficult to rid myself of the resentment and judgmental behavior that I have toward my brothers as it relates to my grandmothers passing away. I hate the sin! It seems every time I ask God to reveal to me the sin in my life, this always comes up - the enemy knows how important this is to me and therefore continues to assault me and try to wound me in this area of my life. I read Ephesians 6 for encouragement - this is a spiritual battle. I was in tears last night because I continue to sin by continuing to pass judgment on the perceived actions of my family even though I am consciously trying to rid myself of this behavior - its really hard.

There is one other place in my life that I struggle with as well – my father that lives in Oregon. This also seems to come up every time I ask God to reveal to me those areas of sin in my life that I need to deal with. I was adopted and my birth father lives in Oregon and I just cannot get that relationship off the ground. Part of it is because I feel judged by him and his wife every time I see him. I think that this is what pushed my older brother (same father) and his wife away from them many years ago. I am trying to find a way to tell my father this, but it’s difficult – that arrow is placed deep in the most sensitive corner of heart.

I think as humans living in a fallen world, we all have those areas of sin that are hard to separate us from. As I continue to grow in my faith and become closer and closer to Him, I feel a sense of freedom. Occasionally I can taste the feeling of pure holiness before God. This is what I long for - pure transparency and cleansing of my soul before my Father. The enemy is fully aware of my desire and is using the things that are closest to my heart to trip me up. I long to have a rich relationship with my family - I long to see everybody sitting around the table at my house enjoying the company of one another. I long for God to reveal himself to those that closest to me. I long for my family to know how much I love them and how much I want them to be a part of my life.

“Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.”
1 Peter 5:8-9

The Lord Is a Warrior

Good stuff!

I think even a quick read of the Old Testament would be enough to convince you that war is a central theme of God’s activity. There is the Exodus, where God goes to war to set his captive people free. Blood. Hail. Locusts. Darkness. Death. Plague after plague descends on Egypt like a boxer’s one-two punch, like the blows of some great ax. Pharaoh releases his grip, but only for a moment. The fleeing slaves are pinned against the Red Sea when Egypt makes a last charge, hurtling down on them in chariots. God drowns those soldiers in the sea, every last one of them. Standing in shock and joy on the opposite shore, the Hebrews proclaim, “The LORD is a warrior!” (Ex. 15:3). Yahweh is a warrior.

Then it’s war to get to the Promised Land. Moses and company have to do battle against the Amalekites; again God comes through, and Moses shouts, “The LORD will be at war against the Amalekites from generation to generation” (Ex.17:16). Yahweh will be at war. Indeed. You ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Then it’s war to get into the Promised Land—Joshua and the battle of Jericho, and all that. After the Jews gain the Promised Land, it’s war after war to keep it. Israel battles the Canaanites, the Philistines, the Midianites, the Egyptians again, the Babylonians—and on and on it goes. Deborah goes to war; Gideon goes to war; King David goes to war. Elijah wars against the prophets of Baal; Jehoshaphat battles the Edomites. Are you getting the picture?

(Waking the Dead, 14–15)

The Story of Our Hearts (from Ransomed Heart - Good Stuff)

Communion with God is replaced by activity for God. There is little time in this outer world for deep questions. Given the right plan, everything in life can be managed . . . except your heart.

The inner life, the story of our heart, is the life of the deep places within us, our passions and dreams, our fears and our deepest wounds. It is the unseen life, the mystery within—what Buechner calls our “shimmering self.” It cannot be managed like a corporation. The heart does not respond to principles and programs; it seeks not efficiency, but passion. Art, poetry, beauty, mystery, ecstasy: These are what rouse the heart. Indeed, they are the language that must be spoken if one wishes to communicate with the heart. It is why Jesus so often taught and related to people by telling stories and asking questions. His desire was not just to engage their intellects but to capture their hearts.

Indeed, if we will listen, a Sacred Romance calls to us through our heart every moment of our lives. It whispers to us on the wind, invites us through the laughter of good friends, reaches out to us through the touch of someone we love. We’ve heard it in our favorite music, sensed it at the birth of our first child, been drawn to it while watching the shimmer of a sunset on the ocean. The Romance is even present in times of great personal suffering: the illness of a child, the loss of a marriage, the death of a friend. Something calls to us through experiences like these and rouses an inconsolable longing deep within our heart, wakening in us a yearning for intimacy, beauty, and adventure.

This longing is the most powerful part of any human personality. It fuels our search for meaning, for wholeness, for a sense of being truly alive. However we may describe this deep desire, it is the most important thing about us, our heart of hearts, the passion of our life. And the voice that calls to us in this place is none other than the voice of God.

We cannot hear this voice if we have lost touch with our heart.

(The Sacred Romance , 6–7)

Part of the Journey.....

Several months ago, I was talking to my son Bobby about the enemy. I explained to him that we live in a world at war and that we must constantly be aware that the enemy is present. As part of the discussion, we talked about the traditional story of the birth of Jesus. We talked about the little “precious moments” type angels floating above the manger and the shepherds and maybe a cute little donkey standing somewhere around the manger looking at Jesus. I then turned to Revelation Chapter 12 and explained to my Bobby what was really happening that glorious night. I explained to him the story that he would probably never see on a flannel board in Sunday school…. Bobby was immediately captured by this story. I could see it stirring something in his heart, the excitement and adventure that he experienced in that moment – the mighty angels of God’s army defending the baby Jesus from the enemy that wanted to kill him. We talked about enemy being cast down to the earth and the determination of the enemy to wage war on mankind. Bobby has read this story many times and I know at least one time that he sat my wife Tammy down and read it to her. Very exciting to see this reality bestowed upon him. Today we were driving to down town Seattle to pick up grandma from the train station. It was Tammy, myself, Rebecca, and Joey. Rebecca was sleeping and we were just driving along listening to a CD that Bobby had made a few days prior. The song “Voice of Truth” came on and we were kind of singing along to it and Joey (age 5) said, “hey dad, I bet you don’t think I know what this song is talking about”…… and I said “well what is it about son?”… Joey replied, “its about the devil trying to kill us and Jesus coming to save us, I love Jesus”…… he went on to say, “Bobby told me all about in the bible, we are lucky for Jesus”. I love that the boys are getting this message and beginning to understand what forces exist in this world that will one day need be dealt with by them. They are young today and at different stages in their masculine development, but the fact that the enemy is here is already understood and the boys are not scared, they know that Jesus is with us and the army’s of God will protect us. God is Good!

The maze of men and friendship

Back in February, I posted about “Friendship” and how important it had become to me. That has not changed one bit. I have made some really great friends that are believers and most of them are engaged in ministry in one form or another. I still struggle with a few relationships that I would really like to see turn into something wonderful. My wife and I joined a “LifeGroup” at church some time ago in an effort to fellowship with other Christians and meet new friends that we could hang out with. It’s a couples group and all the folks in it are really great. However, I do feel like I made a mistake within this group that has made it feel kind of weird ever since. As a group we meet twice a month and then once a month, we have a “guys night” and once a month we have a “girls night”. We had gone to dinner several months ago and Tammy and I were pretty new to the group at that time. I was sitting with the guys and the subject of a poker night came up and I latched on to that immediately. I really like to play cards and there is just something about the guys sitting around eating chili and pretzels, talking about all kinds of things and trying to win a couple of bucks over a 3 – 4 hour period. I like that. So I kind of took the bull by the horns and started planning the poker nights. What happened next kind of busted my bubble. The leader of the LifeGroup sent out a message after the 2nd or 3rd “poker night” stating that he was concerned about us spending money (buy in was $10) and gambling with the way the economy is going. He recommended that we change it up and that perhaps a movie, dinner, play board games, XBOX or something different once in a while rather than have a standing poker night was a good idea. This sounded great to me, I love board games (not so much an Xbox guy, but I was game). Poker night seemed fine as well. I responded to the message that the leader sent out and simply said that the cost of playing for 3 – 4 was much cheaper than doing anything else like going to a movie or out to eat or anything like that…. The response I got from the entire group we nothing but silence. So, I sent a quick note to one of the guys in the LifeGroup that I really trust and asked what he thought of the whole thing and he felt the same way as I did and sent a message to the group saying the game night was good and we could look at doing things other than Poker and the guys seemed good with that. But I left that situation feeling completely judged by some of the guys in the group and we have never got the whole group of guys together at one time since all of this went down – in fact we really don’t get together at all anymore. It’s like nobody in the group wants to talk about it because they are afraid or something? I don’t get know. What I do know is that when I got in to this group, I was looking for a group where all of us could be ourselves without being judged at all – a place where we could all go and dig in to the Word and learn together while supporting and loving one another. Because Bobby was in track these last several months, Tammy and I have been unable to go to the LifeGroup meetings. We are just now coming up for air and are excited to engage with our group again. They are just starting a study in Proverbs. I have been thinking quite a bit about what to do strengthen the relationships there. I am also thinking that I may be trying too hard, AGAIN. Just like back in February, I continue to feel like I constantly have to reach out to other guys to initiate some form of fellowship or get together. I am beginning to think that most guys, or at least the ones that I have chosen to try and go out with, would rather spend (all) their time doing something other than hanging out with other guys. I think my increased longing to connect with other guys is fed by the Wild at Heart message that I am focusing on in this season. I think about this John Eldridge talk that I attended about a month ago or so quite often. John came to a church here in Seattle to speak for one night on his book Fathered by God. This thing was a sell out and the room was full of men that are either in the message or trying to get in to it – I kind of rushed out of there to get home to the babysitter and really missed an opportunity to network. I have started a group on facebook and ransomedheart.net for men that are in the Wild at Heart message and live in Seattle – its starting slow, but at least its starting. I got one of the Boot Camps that was put on DVD from Ransomed Heart Ministries and plan on studying it and perhaps pulling something together at my church to facilitate a full 4 day event for men. I have been talking to some friends of mine at the church about this and they seem to be excited about the prospect. I have also talked to a few of my other friends about starting a Men’s LifeGroup to read and study the book Wild at Heart. This could be great!! If anybody reading this blog would be interested in this, leave me a comment and I will loop you in. If anybody has any thoughts or comments on this whole friendship thing, I welcome them! As part of my walk with God, I thought I would post this and get some opinions. Am I over thinking it? Am I working too hard at it? Is my approach flawed? Thanks for any thoughts – I love you folks!

One fun ride!!!!!

God Is Good! I wanted to share a recent series of events that demonstrates how God is working in my life these past several months. Since the last Boot Camp NW in April 2009.

So, here goes. I came back from Boot Camp in April and for about a week afterward I was experiencing some serious warfare that was really wearing my down. I posted about it back then. In any event, I met with a couple of the elder's from my church and began talking seriously about becoming involved with them in a non-profit organization called iPursuit. Knowing that this was a move in to ministry, and feeling God's calling, I engaged with them. After joining iPursuit, we began to look at the technological needs of certain regions in the world - water pump technology in the Sudan, Air Pollution in India, Human Trafficking in Thailand, etc. Back in January 2009, I also began speaking to GE Healthcare in Seattle about a global director role in that organization and was still in talks with them over these several months. As a result of looking at some potential root cause solutions for global issues, we decided to start working on a "for profit" business to act as a bridge to bring cutting edge technologies from the US, into regions in need. Last Monday we signed the final documents with the lawyers to finalize the formation of this business. Praise the Lord. Now, since just before Boot Camp, I was having some issues with my lower back and sciatic nerve pain. It has worsened over these past several weeks and I finally went in for an MRI this past Tuesday. Right after the MRI, I drove over to the church to meet with a couple friends to pray. We sat around ad discussed what it was we wanted to pray for and simply landed on just thanking God for his blessings and worshipping and glorifying His name. It was awesome - we did this for close to an hour and a half and were completely wiped out when we were done! I love that. Afterward, I walked out to my car and began to drive out of the parking lot when my phone rang and t was GE Healthcare....... my new boss was calling to offer me employment. Bigger than anything I have ever had in my life. I was so stoked. The beauty of this is that throughout my discussions with GE, I disclosed my involvement with iPursuit and this new company and said I would continue to work with them even if I took the role with GE. I figured if that was not OK with them than that was not the place that God had for me. Turns out, they are ok with the Kingdom work and are really pleased to have me coming aboard......I then found out that afternoon that I had been selected in the Lottery to attend te Ransomed Heart Book Camp in October in Colorado! Needless to say, I am emotionally drained coming into the end of this week and indescribably thankful for Jesus, His protection, Hs guidance, and His grace....... and most importantly, the Cross!

We've Bought the Lie

After his resurrection, Jesus sends us all out to do what he did: “As the Father has sent me, so I send you” (John 20:21 NRSV). And he gives us his authority to do it: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go” (Matt. 28:18–19). Why else would he have given us his authority if we weren’t supposed to use it?

The attitude of so many Christians today is anything but fierce. We’re passive, acquiescent. We’re acting as if the battle is over, as if the wolf and the lamb are now fast friends. Good grief—we’re beating swords into plowshares as the armies of the Evil One descend upon us. We’ve bought the lie of the Religious Spirit, which says, “You don’t need to fight the Enemy. Let Jesus do that.” It’s nonsense. It’s unbiblical. It’s like a private in Vietnam saying, “My commander will do all the fighting for me; I don’t even need to fire my weapon.” We are commanded to “resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7). We are told, “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him” (1 Peter 5:8–9); “Fight the good fight” (1 Tim. 1:18); “Rescue those being led away to death” (Prov. 24:11).

Seriously, just this morning a man said to me, “We don’t need to fight the Enemy. Jesus has won.” Yes, Jesus has won the victory over Satan and his kingdom. However, the battle is not over. Look at 1 Corinthians 15:24–25: “Then the end will come, when he [Jesus] hands over the kingdom to God the Father after he has destroyed all dominion, authority and power. For he must reign until he has put all his enemies under his feet.” After he has destroyed the rest of the Enemy’s works. Until then, he must reign by bringing his enemies under his feet. Jesus is still at war, and he calls us to join him.

(Waking the Dead , 167–68)

I am thankful, that is for sure.........

First let me say that it is a bit difficult to see the screen with the tears flowing the way they are. I wanted to let you know after several months, I have been offered a position at GE Healthcare here in Seattle. I have prayed quite a bit and searched my heart often for clarity around God’s plan and to understand if GE was even supposed to be in the mix. I am certain after several experiences that this is exactly God’s plan for me at this time in my life. There are 2 other ventures that I have embarked on as well – first, I joined a non-profit organization several months ago called iPursuit and as of today we have officially formed a for profit business to bring technology and solutions into some of the darkest parts of the world. As I was going through discussions with GE, I was very open about disclosing my involvement and continued involvement in growing the Kingdom. All along the way, GE has been fine with my desire to continue with iPursuit and our new business. God is Good. The blessing that my family received today from our Father is much more than just a simple opportunity to work, it is an opportunity to return my blessings to the Kingdom in several ways. To be completely honest, I have always known that God would come through and I was never at any point concerned about the future – I have always known that God has this all under His control. After hearing the news today, I immediately came home and began to worship in thanks to God and to glorify Him once again for showering me with His grace. My Heart is absolutely on fire right now and as I sit here with tears running down my cheeks I am seeking the next opportunity to do something, anything, for the Kingdom.

I love my wife so much and am so thankful for her - God has given me my best friend and my wife rolled up in to one. Tammy definitely fills the holes and washes away my wounds with her love and support! I love her strength, her honesty, her smile, her determination, her beauty, and her wisdom. I could not have ask for a more perfect person to be on this journey with!

I am truly humbled and thankful to the Lord on high....... the Alpha and the Omega - the beginning and the end.... God's grace and love really kicks butt!

Never forget

Proverbs 4:23

Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

The Power of Prayer

I have been so busy these past couple of weeks. I started the ball rolling on a for profit business that will work in conjunction with a non-profit missionary organization of which I am an employee. The plan is to have the business (partnership with 2 friends) off the ground and running the first week of June – praise the LORD! This is a very exciting venture.

I am still in talks with GE Healthcare about a position based here in Seattle that would have responsibility for 3 sites in the US, 2 in Canada, 1 in the Middle East and 1 in India. I went through the final round of interviews last week and expect to hear back from them within a week or two. I had an interesting experience during the very last discussion – the person I met with was a VP and General Manager for one of the sites that I would support. It turns out; she is from Ethiopia and has a heart for Kingdom work. We talked about the non-profit organization that I work with and the mission for about 20 minutes. She mentioned to me that GE Healthcare was involved in a program called “Devices for Africa” and that they provide medical equipment and services to several regions in Africa. In addition, she talked about the fact that GE has a dedicated site for water filtration and purification. It was like God sat me in front of this really wonderful person to show me some of the potential benefits of working with GE. I have simply surrendered this to Him and pray every day that His will is met. I must say that I am feeling very positive about this potential opportunity.

I have been sort of stuck in traction for the last 2 weeks or so because some problems with my sciatic nerve. Seems it is being pinched and the pain is seriously bad from my pelvis, all the way down my right leg. The really bad pain began right around Weds of last week. When I woke up on Friday, I was in so much pain that I was considering calling GE and trying to reschedule my final interviews for another time. This would not have been good for me simply because there were a number of schedules that were shuffled around to make this happen. Because of the level of people that I was speaking to, even flights were reworked so that they were able to land in Seattle and meet with me before moving on to their next destination. Anyway, as I was barely standing and trying to shave before putting on my suit, I looked in the mirror and the light bulb came on. This was clearly the work of the enemy to try and keep me from going to these final meetings with GE. I immediately began to pray for healing and restoration so that I would be able to attend these meetings without worrying about the pain. I then sent a message to a number of prayer warriors that I have on speed dial in Outlook. I then put my suit on and told my wife that I was not going to allow the enemy to keep from going through with this and off I went. I prayed the entire drive in to downtown Seattle. When I entered The Georgian I sat and waited for the gentlemen I was to meet with there. The pain had literally gone down to about 3 out of 10 (I was at a 10 that morning). I sat down for the first meeting and honestly did not think about the sciatic pain for that entire discussion. When we were done, I walk 2 blocks to the GE Building and was feeling no pain at all. As I was going up the elevator, I was praising God and so thankful for the gift that He gave me. I went through the last meeting and was headed home after another 2 blocks to pick my car up from the valet parking at The Georgian. Although the pain returned that afternoon and I am still fighting with medication and daily visits to the chiropractor and with physical therapy scheduled to start next Tuesday, I was able to get through the final round of interviews pain free. This is sure demonstration of the power of prayer. God Is Good……

Stay tuned for more on GE – it normally takes GE 2 – 3 weeks to communicate after each round.

Restoration...

I was worshiping tonight and found a song that I had never heard before. I instantly connected and felt tears rolling down my cheeks as I listened to the words. The song was written by a guy named Andi Rozier and its called Restore My Soul. Andi is (or at least use to be) the Worship Pastor for Harvest Bible Chapel. As I listened to the song, I really felt the presence of the Holy Spirit and was reminded of how each and every one of us, no matter what our profession, need a little bit (sometimes a lot) of restoration on occasion. I listened to the song several times and found myself on my knees in surrender - it was AWESOME. My friend attended John Eldredge's Bootcamp in Colorado this past weekend. My friend sent me an email today that said "God knocked me off my horse, and built me up in a way that I have never experienced" (I am tearing up just writing his words down - FREEDOM). Based on my past posts and experiences with this kind of event, you may think this is kind of "normal" response after attending one of these events. What you don't know is that my friend is a Pastor and has been in ministry for 20+ years. He is a leader and probably one of the most humble people I have ever met in my life. His description of being knocked of his horse and rebuilt provided incredible imagery and blessed me with the reality that it is not necessarily the brokenhearted or suffering people in the world that need to be restored, but its everybody. So as I listened to the words of this song, I began to write them down and internalize the lyrics. I then began to change the lyrics in the second verse a little bit as I began to venture outside my own journey including other believers on this journey as well. It was a gift from God that I received this evening that I am so thankful for. God makes all things new....

Here are the lyrics (modified a little) - not a plug, but I got it on iTunes :)

Restore My Heart by Andi Rozier

Restore my soul
Revive my heart
Renew my life
In every part
Revile to me
What sin remains
Then lead me to
The cross again

And at the cross
I'll will find a way
To live the life
Your hand has made
So find me there Lord
And help me stay
In true surrender
With you my savior

Relight the fire
That burned so strong
Reminding us
What you have done
Our destiny
Is to lead change
So lead us to
The cross again

And at the cross
We'll find a way
To live the lives
Your hand has made
So find us there Lord
And help us stay
In true surrender
With you our savior

And at the cross
I’ll find a way
To live the life
Your hand has made
So find me there Lord
And help me stay
In true surrender
With you my savior

Find me

Learning to father my kids....

As I went through this last round of Wild at Heart, I was very interested in the "parenting" aspect of my journey and how I should be fathering my children. During the weekend there were many opportunities for us to take time alone to pray and listen to God speak. During these times, we were encouraged to bring a journal and write down what God was saying to us. Being at the 10 day mark since the last camp ended, I started go back and read through my journal for a review and to keep the fire in my heart hot. I came across a very extensive journal entry that both identified some of my personal brokenness and healing as well as references on my role as a parent. I wanted to share some sections of this journal entry with you and what God was speaking in to my heart during this delicate time.

Surrender all to me. You have always had a Father walking with you that loves you..….I place this name on the stones at your feet that you may always have a reminder of where we are connected. Our connection exists through every place that your foot touches…..When you walk in darkness, you still walk – when you walk toward the light, I am there. Bestow these thoughts on those that have come from you – your sons on earth – .…. May they connect with me in your footsteps and may you point out to them the places we have traveled as Father and son.

As I read through this, I could not help but become somewhat emotional for variety reasons. The brokenness I experienced as a result of the lack of fathering that I had growing up and the freedom that I have experienced as a result of walking through that brokenness with God and letting it go. The freedom that comes from finally realizing that for a long time I believed the lie. The lie that I did not have what it takes because of the brokenness that enemy inflicted on me to take me out at very young age. The enemy was exposed and the lie dispelled - FREEDOM.

As I continued to read through this entry, God provided me with a constant reminder of his presence and our connection - every step I take. This reminds me of Numbers (I think that was the book) in the Bible where the people put items on their shoes as a reminder of God. This just dawned on me as I am typing this, so I could have some wires crossed here. Along with this reminder I am to teach my children about the experiences I have had so that they do not get taken out by the enemy the same way that I was. I am also to teach them that no matter what, God is always there to support you and teach you.

As I thought about this, I felt a little sad. I really wish that I had grown up being taught these things by my own father. Then I realized that my Father in heaven has alot more to teach me. Everything that any of us need to be taught is in God's Word. All of his footsteps are there and all his experiences detailed. Our Father is the Word and is there any time we are in need. I feel truly blessed to be right here, right now. I also feel protected by my Father. I am a more confident parent and feel like I finally know how to father my children, how to bestow on them the values and principles that are so vital to their development as they move through the different seasons in their lives. My prayer tonight is that every man come to know this freedom and that every man dispel the lie and live the life that they were meant to live. That every man father their children the way God has fathered them. You do have what it takes - just ask your Father.

Looking at everything differently....

So I have a completely new prospective on everything because of the life changing experiences associated with BCNW (Boot Camp Northwest). Unless you have young kids, you may never see the movie "Surf's Up", and if you do have kids, you may not have watched the movie through the "Wild at Heart" lens, I would like to share a peak. Below is a clip (10 Minutes, well worth the time) - this is the story of boy (Cody) who lost his father when he was very young. Cody has always wanted to be a pro surfer and has experienced a lot of brokeness in his life. In this clip you will see Cody and a charater named Big Z. Cody's path has led him to Big Z and in this clip you will see Big Z father Cody and then share some of his own "brokeness" around the campfire. The end of the clip is the best, because Cody lets go and you will see him walk through and overcome the brokeness that has kept him from becoming who he was meant to be.... enjoy!. By the way, I have 4 kids and since coming home from the last boot camp, have used this as an example with my 12 year old when discussing my story and seeking to understand his. Here goes! I know it sounds a little corny, but try to watch the clip through a lens that gets to the heart of how we become (or don't become) who we were meant to be.

Bootcamp

I attended a christian retreat this past weekend facilitated by a group of volunteers in an organization known as Bootcamp Northwest.This is the same retreat that attended last year in Easton, WA. The retreat was held in Wild Horse Canyon down in Oregon and the weather and setting were equally breathtaking. On the last day of the event, Glen [one of the speakers] gave us all about 40 minutes to go off [called a covenant of silence during the event, there were many] and pray and answer some questions about how we intended to move forward in the battle and what our "plan" would actually look like. During this time, I was sitting there pondering these questions and writing down my answers when I was suddenly attacked. This voice in my head said, "you don't want to do this, man - this is going to be hard" and I thought, yeah this is going to be hard. The voice then said, "why are you even here? this is just a bunch of "touchy feely" junk" and I thought, yeah this is sort of a waste of time... the voice then said "if you don't church or hang around these christian dude's, nobody can hold you accountable for making sure you stay on track". It was at this point that I understood that I was in battle. I rebuked the enemy in the name of Jesus Christ and continued to work through the remaining questions in peace. The reason I am sharing this is that when I was driving back to Seattle with my friend, Kevin, I was telling him about this experience and he too came under attack at right around the same time. When we returned from the Covenant of Silence, our senses were heightened as we entered the meeting room and there was a sense that the enemy was present. I am curious to know if anybody else felt this or had a similar experience during this time? I posted a question on our networking site to find out. Make no mistake - the enemy lost some ground this past weekend, and he was not happy about it. Our weapons were sharpened this weekend and many men present at the event joined the ranks of God's army. These events are so awesome. I will be moving in tot he advanced session next spring and will likely continue to make an annual pilgrimage to these events as long as Bootcamp Northwest exists. I am planning to take my son, Josh, to the Bootcamp hosted by John Eldridge and Ransomed Heart Ministries in Colorado as soon as our number comes up. We were wait listed for last one after the lottery. This stuff is so powerful - I can not begin to tell you how the healing process offers so much freedom.

Entering the Kingdom

I travelled to San Diego this past week. My grandmother passed away on Easter Sunday. I was at complete peace with my grandmother's passing as she has had a rough go at it for the past several months. While celebrating the most significant event in my faith, I was able to celebrate my grandmother entering God's kingdom on the same day. I was not really prepared to speak at my grandmother's service, but managed to get up and try an remember some of the things that wrote in a past post called "preparing a place" - only instead of me preparing a place for my grandmother to come live with me, God had prepared a place for my grandmother within His kingdom.

I went to San Diego on Tuesday and came home on Thursday. The service was held on Weds. given the challenges I experienced with my family over the past year, my hope was to take some of the time outside the service to make mends with my brother's - unfortunately, that did not happen. The entire experience as far as my family goes was somewhat awkward from the get go. I had planned my trip without letting people know and some members of my family took exception to that and thought I intentionally hid this information to make it hard on them to plan. Being challenged on this was the very first thing I was spoken to about upon getting in to San Diego. Needless to say, this set the tone for my entire visit.

I have spent hours praying about this and seeking peace with my family. My heart was definitely broken over this ordeal. I continue to seek God's grace when it comes to these events in my life. I am thankful that my brother's and their wives are getting along great. After years of not getting along and not enjoying one another's company - they have bonded. This makes me very happy because for several years every time I would go to San Diego, I would make it a point to try and get everybody together for a BBQ or something and this always felt like such a chore, because of how everybody felt toward one another. I pray that these relationships continue to grow and that they continue to bond and hang out together.

I am really happy that I made the trip to San Diego and that I was able to say goodbye to my grandmother and find peace as well as freedom. The only thing that I wish could have been done differently would have been having my children be able to see my grandma when she was of clear heart and mind. When I went to San Diego several months ago to help my grandmother pack up some of her thing for the move the Northwest, she pulled a few items together for each of the great-grandchildren. She then met with each of them and gave them each a gift (silver certificates, jewelry my grandfather had given her, etc.). As she presented this stuff to her great-grandchildren, she explained the history behind each item. Because her plan was to move to the Northwest and live with us, my children were not included in this. Since everything spun out of control and my grandmother was convinced to stay in San Diego, my children and Tammy (my wife) and I do not have one single item that belonged to grandmother. Everything that my grandmother owned was either given to other members of the family in San Diego or dropped off a good will; nothing was put in storage. So the only thing that we have are the memories of grandma, which is fine for me and Tammy, but it sure would have been something special for my kids to have received something "special" from my grandmother.

I am at peace with everything that has happened. I have prayed for forgiveness for the anger that I once felt and for the things that I may have said out of anger. I know that I am forgiven for this through God's grace and I have learned from this experience and grown stronger in my faith. I will continue to pray daily for peace within my family.

Several months ago, about the exact time that things started to go out of whack with my family, I attended a men's retreat called Bootcamp, run by Bootcamp Northwest (www.bootcampnw.com). It is a retreat based on the book Wild at Heart. Bootcamp Northwest is having another retreat in Wild Horse Canyon down in Oregon beginning this Thursday and going until Sunday. I am going to be attending this retreat (again) and am truly looking forward to it. With everything that has happened over the past several months, a "booster shot" in faith is a welcome treat for me. I am sure you will be hearing more about this event in blog after I get back.

In my previous post, I talked about a number of opportunities that I have been considering. I have prayed quite a bit about these opportunities and it is definitely on my heart to aggressively go after the missionary work and begin working with my friend Jeff's non-profit organization full time. I have been somewhat resistant to this simply because of the risk, but I really feel like this is where God wants me. So, I guess its time to start getting my shot records up to date for travel in to some of the darkest places in the world. Amen.

Stay tuned - I will be gone for a few days working on my heart.......

The Forks in the Road

There are quite a few things I have been praying about these days. I have not been working for quite a while and have really enjoyed the time with the family. This has been a real blessing as far as God's plan goes. I have really been able to get to know my kids better and the quality time with the family has been priceless.

I have been struggling quite a bit with next steps and where my place is in God's kingdom. There have been three developments that I am praying about and need to make some decisions about pretty quickly. First off, the company that I worked for prior to forming my own company (3 years ago) is talking to me about coming back and taking a role there leading Process Improvement efforts across the organization. Second, I spoke with a large medical device company today and they are interested in having me run the Quality department for a division of the company that is headquartered here in Seattle. Third, a friend of mine that runs a non-profit organization that brings hope to countries around the world through missionary work is interested in forming a "for profit" business that would focus on bringing cutting edge technologies to countries in need (i.e. drilling wells deeper, providing cleaner emissions,alternative energy sources, etc.). The proceeds from this business would be poured right back in to the non-profit for "kingdom" work. My friend wants me to help form the company and run it.

I am struggling with whether or not I want to move back in to a "corporate" role doing what I have done for years or taking on this opportunity with my friend to do Kingdom work. There is certainly a lot more security and predictability in the corporate role, but is that where God wants me? These are the things that I will be praying about and surrendering to God over the next several days. I am praying for clarity around God's will for me.

As far as opportunities go, things have been pretty quiet for the past several months with the economy and all. So what can I say? "When it rains it pours" - stay tuned.

We are at War

I got this from in an email last night and thought I would share it. Its another extract from "Waking the Dead". Although I have read this book a couple of times, it always seems like a light bulb comes on when I get messages like this.... For those of you in the Seattle area, I also received an email from Bootcamp Northwest and they will be hold a 2 session discussion this Friday night at Overlake Christian Church in Redmond. Bootcamp Northwest puts on a retreat periodically (I attended last year here in WA ) based on the book "Wild At Heart". If you can make the sessions, I am sure you will walk away with some level of enlightenment.

(Waking the Dead, Pages 29 - 30)

The Second Eternal Truth brought to us comes like a broken message over the radio or an urgent e-mail from a distant country telling us that some great struggle or quest or battle is well under way. May even be hanging in the balance. When the four children stumble into Narnia, the country and all its lovely creatures are imprisoned under the spell of the White Witch and have been for a hundred years. In another story, Jack and his mother are starving and must sell their only cow. Frodo barely makes it out of the Shire with his life and the ring of power. In the nick of time he learns that Bilbo’s magic ring is the One Ring, that Sauron has discovered its whereabouts, and that the Nine Black Riders are already across the borders searching for the little hobbit with deadly intent. The future of Middle Earth hangs on a thread.

Again, this is exactly what the Scriptures have been trying to wake us up to for years. “Wake up, O sleeper . . . Be very careful, then, how you live . . . because the days are evil” (Eph. 5:14–16). Or as The Message has it: “So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!” Christianity isn’t a religion about going to Sunday school, potluck suppers, being nice, holding car washes, sending our secondhand clothes off to Mexico. This is a world at war. Something large and immensely dangerous is unfolding all around us, we are caught up in it, and above all we doubt we have been given a key role to play. Do you think I’m being too dramatic?

Waking the Dead....

I have been reading this book called "Waking the Dead". I read in bits and pieces, which is to say, I do not pick it up and read it every day... In light of my upcoming baptism, I thought I would share these passages from the book. I got this tonight.....



Waking the Dead, Pages 56-57

"The Phoenix rises from the ashes. Cinderella rises from the cinders to become a queen. The Ugly Duckling becomes a beautiful swan. Pinocchio becomes a real boy. The frog becomes a prince. The Cowardly Lion gets his courage, the Scarecrow his brains, and the Tin Woodman a new heart. They are all transformed into the very thing they never thought they could be.

Why are we enchanted by tales of transformation? I can’t think of a movie or novel or fairy tale that doesn’t somehow turn on this. Why is it an essential part of any great story? Because it is the secret to Christianity, and Christianity is the secret to the universe. “You must be born again” (John 3:7). You must be transformed. Keeping the Law, following the rules, polishing up your manners—none of that will do. “What counts is whether we really have been changed into new and different people” (Gal. 6:15). Is this not the message of the Gospel? Zacchaeus the trickster becomes Zacchaeus the Honest One. Mary the whore becomes Mary the Last of the Truly Faithful. Paul the self-righteous murderer becomes Paul the Humble Apostle.

And us? I doubt many of us would go so far as to say we’re transformed. Perhaps we have changed a bit in what we believe and how we act. We confess the creeds now, and we’ve gotten our temper under control . . . for the most part. But “transformed” seems a bit too much to claim. How about “forgiven and on our way”? That’s how most Christians would describe what’s happened to them. It’s partly true . . . and partly untrue, and the part that’s untrue is what’s killing us. We’ve been told that even though we have placed our hope in Christ, even though we have become his followers, our hearts are still desperately wicked. And of course, so long as we believe that our hearts remain untouched, unchanged, we will pretty much live untouched and unchanged. For our heart is the wellspring of life within us."

The Next Step in my walk with Him

Baptism. I registered for the next baptism service at OCC last night. In previous blogs, I have explained my baptism as a youth at Hope Lutheran Church. This is a really significant step for me in my walk with God. This will be the first time that I will be baptized through submersion. Baptism in water is an important next step for me since surrendering my life to Jesus Christ. First, it is a public acknowledgment that I am a Christian. Second, it symbolizes Jesus’ death, burial, and resurrection, and proclaims my new identity in Christ. Third, it demonstrates the fact that Christ has forgiven me and “washed” away my sins. Finally, it is an act of obedience to Christ. I am excited and looking forward to Weds night. My wife, Tammy, and son, Bobby, also registered for baptism Weds.

Pray for those......

My grandmother has been in the hospital down in San Diego for several days having some tests done because of some medical problems she has been having. I have been calling her everyday since she has been there and have been able to speak to her every time except one when she was sleeping. When I spoke to her on Sunday, she sounded really weak, but better than previous days. She told me that they would be sending her home in the next couple days and that all of her tests came back with "good" results. I was pleased to hear all this.

Given the events that have occurred over the past several months with my family down in San Diego (see previous posts on the saga explaining this), they are not providing me with any kind of updates on my grandmother's condition. I simply have to try and get a hold of her myself to get a status. My little brother (who would be giving me updates) is dealing with some personal issues with his house and all the rain in San Diego (i.e. flooding, caved in ceiling, etc.), so I have been trying to keep him informed on what I hear just in case he is not in the loop either.

So, today I called the hospital and was told that she was discharged. I assumed that she went back home. I was wrong. I shot my little brother a quick note on the testing my grandma had done and the fact that she had been discharged and was at home now. I tried to call my grandma at her house several times without an answer. About three minutes after I shot off the email to my little brother, he responded. He told be that my grandma had been moved into a nursing home for physical therapy and that she was extremely weak and not eating. He went on to apologize for not sending me this information sooner; he assumed my mother was keeping me informed. So, I got a contact number to get a hold of my grandmother and my little brother assured me that he would let me know if he heard anything moving forward.

After all of this, I am left sitting here with a ton of emotions running through me as to why I was not told of my grandmother's condition. I love her so much and this is clearly the enemy working to keep me from praying for her. I immediately sent out a prayer request to several close friends and folks from my church. I then grabbed my bible and began to flip through the pages looking for some guidance on how to deal with the way my family is treating me. My first thought was that I was being selfish by talking to God about how "I" was being treated. In the big scheme of things that does not matter. But, I am human - and I am not perfect. I clearly see the enemy at work here and persecution from several members of my family. If this were several years ago, I would simply get angry and make a couple of phone calls and give them all a piece of mind. Not tonight though. Instead I found peace in the Word.

I was reading for about an hour or so and a couple of scriptures really resonated with what I was dealing with. Words of Jesus:

"But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you," Matthew 5:44

Now, I would not say that my family is necessarily my enemy, but I would say that they certainly persecute me. So, I included all of them in my prayer request.

I then went on to read Matthew 7:1-2

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you"

I was finding it so hard not to judge my family for everything that is happening right now. The reality of situation is that this is clearly not my family doing everything they can to get under my skin. This is the enemy at work and we are at war with the enemy. The enemy is working 24/7 to try and wound me, to hurt me, to cause me to be self-centered, to drive his horns through my heart and break me. How can I possibly judge my family in this when it is clearly not them. The best thing I can do is stand firm against the enemy with God by side and pray that my family come to know Jesus and build a relationship with him. This is my prayer tonight.

Friendship

I have been thinking about for friendship for the past couple days. Friendship has become so important to me over past couple of years. As I have passed through the seasons of my life, friends have come and gone. I have maintained contact with a number of friends from my teen years, but because we have gone our seperate ways and literally live all over the country, it is really hard to maintain the closeness. In my mid to late 20's and early 30's I had a lot of friends. As I began to renew my relationship with Jesus Christ, I realized that I could no longer be the person I use to be or do things that I use to do - I did not want to be that person anymore. I made a decision to not put myself in certain circles anymore. Lets just say I spent a lot of time in bars for several years with my "friends". I do still drink on occassion in moderation and do still keep contact with the old crew, I am just a different person now - I am walking with Christ. I have told my old friends this and they are really cool with it and respect my position of not wanting to party 24/7.

Today I face a bit of a challenge. I am trying to build friendships with other christians and I am finding that it is a lot of work. I find that I am always taking the initiative to call or make contact to set something up. I am always making the first move and then the second and then the third and so on. I find myself sitting back and thinking about previous encounters and wondering if I made some kind of mistake or perhaps offended somebody in some way. I find myself playing the time spent together back in my head to figure out what I could have done differently. I guess most guys just don't need what I am looking for. Maybe its like this with everybody? I read a quote today that said something like "Wanting friendship is split second decision, but real friendship takes time". I know friendship is something that needs to be worked on, I simply feel like I am always the one working at it. I was talking to Tammy (my wife) about it the last couple of days and she does see what I describe here as well. I tend to think its a guy thing, but I am sure there are others (men and woman) out there that feel the same way. For now, I will just continue to pray about it and ask Him for guidance when it comes to friendship.

Living Dangerously... Living a life of faith.....

So we have been going through a series at OCC called "The Year of Living Dangerously"... In the series there has been a significant focus on stewardship....

"Stewardship: looking at everything God has entrusted you with, and asking how HE would have you deploy it for His Glory"

We have unpacked multiple scriptures that speak to how our faithfulness to God and good stewardship is met by God's grace and blessing upon us. Living dangerously requires so much faith in God... When you begin to live dangerously, you will know it... There is a different feeling about stepping out on faith and making a significant sacrifice in the eyes of our Father.

I say these things because my wife, Tammy, and I took a significant step today. Without going in to detail, I will say that we held hands and stepped forward into a life of living dangerously for Christ. IT FEELS SO GOOD!!! Our faith has been taken up a notch which is an indication that our walk with God and relationship with Jesus Christ is growing stronger and stronger.

"The reward for trusting Him will be the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:9 NLT

May God bless you as he has continued to bless me and my family.

Love like you have loved me...

I was in worship this morning and was listening to the song "Hosanna" by Hillsong United. I was tearing up as I listend to the last verse of the song, so I hit rewind and listended to it about 4 or 5 times as I prayed these words to Him.

....

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdoms cause
As I go from nothing to
Eternity

....

This is such a wonderful journey.

By now you can tell I love YouTube.... Here you go :)

Why are the Sith so bad?

My wife Tammy was in the kitchen this morning and my daughter Rebecca walked up to her with a Darth Maul Star Wars action figure (one of the really bad guys - a "Sith" - in episode 1).

Rebecca: "Why is this guy so bad, mommy?"

Tammy: "He is a bad guy because he does not have Jesus in his heart, sweety"

Rebecca dropped the action figure and said, "I have Jesus in my heart, can't you see?" and she pulled her dress up over her head and threw her chest out.

I love my little 2 year old!!

p.s. she will be 3 on Feb 27.